Write On Me

Chapter 35

It was like Maite could literally feel her heart breaking. Everything was becoming so real in such a short amount of time.

"It's not you," Lauren added, "It's me."

She was just driving the knife further in Maite's chest. That lame, cliche one liner. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

Her tears poured out like a waterfall but she didn't wipe them away, there was no point. Lauren didn't care about her anymore.

She had so many thoughts but every time she opened her mouth, the words would die in her throat. 

"I've just been thinking," the Cuban kept going as she took in the fragile girl before her, "We're just not good for each other anymore."

Where was this coming from, Maite thought. Their relationship had been going well, extremely well. There were seldom bad moments between them.

"L-Lauren," Maite was finally able to get out, "You can't be s-serious."

Lauren just nodded her head and bit the inside of cheek, trying to hold it together. 

"This is what's best for you," Lauren claimed, and added quietly, "For me."

The Argentinean shook her head, her tears blurring her vision, "That's bullshit! Y-You know it is... Don't you?"

The Cuban stood up off the couch, she didn't want to be there anymore. She couldn't handle Maite crying, all she wanted to do was comfort her.

"P-Please," Maite chocked out.

A warm hand grabbed onto Lauren's cold wrist, "D-Don't do this. I'll do anything. A-Anything. You're the most i-important person to me. I can't lose you, Lauren."

Maite had sworn to herself that she wouldn't let Lauren back in, that she wouldn't beg for the attention of someone who didn't want her. But that was before she knew the pain that would come from losing someone who she cared for very much.

Lauren gently took off Maite's hand from her wrist, "It's for the best."

With that, Lauren walked away.

They were still on the bus and would be for the rest night and part of the morning tomorrow. The timing was terrible. They'd be stuck with each until the next day.

Maite felt her body wrack with sob after sob. She couldn't stop the tears. Her chest hurt. It was a physical pain, not only mental. Having your heartbroken wasn't just an expression, she literally felt like her heart was tearing apart.

And the only thing that could fix it was Lauren.

Maite didn't have the energy to drag herself off the couch and to her bunk. She didn't want to. Lauren's bunk was right across from it, and as much as she wanted to be near Lauren, she decided it was best for her if she wasn't.

She felt sick, straight down to her core.

What got her the most was that Lauren didn't seem hurt. She hadn't shed a single tear. Her face had kept the same blank expression the entire time. 

Like breaking up with Maite wasn't hard, just a nuisance. 

She couldn't believe what was happening, they hadn't been together for very long, only a couple of months, but she felt like Lauren was the one.

Lauren had made her feel like the only girl in the world. She didn't undermine her opinions, she always listened, and she never hurt her.

That was until now.

It wasn't fair that she was a mess while Lauren could just go, tear free.

What happened to Lauren, she thought. 

That wasn't the girl she had fallen for.  

Maite stayed awake for most of the night, the tears had eventually stopped, but she felt numb.

Empty.

Useless.

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Lauren had only slept for a few hours. The guilt of what she had done was eating at her, but she knew it had to be done. 

Camila was right earlier. Maite deserved better. Lauren couldn't give her what she wanted.

Part of herself wouldn't let herself give herself to Maite. It would change everything. She knew Maite would have made her the happiest she could be, but she'd grow to hate herself. 

She felt dirty.

Loving a girl wouldn't be accepted without a lot of negative attention dragging along with it. She knew that from the recent comments underneath her posts telling her that she was unnatural and going against God's will. Hate comments hadn't bothered as much in the past, she had learned to ignore them. But now she felt so vulnerable. 

Weirdly enough though, she only felt this way about herself. She didn't think the LGBT was sick or unnatural. They were human beings who deserved love.

But it was different when it was about herself.

She couldn't explain it better than that. 

When the finger was pointed at her, everything changed.

Morning came and neither Lauren nor Maite had an appetite. 

The bus stopped at a local restaurant for breakfast in the town they were in. It gave a chance for everybody to stretch their legs.

Maite got out of the bus and skipped out on breakfast with everyone. 

Instead, she took a walk around the town. One of the body guards followed her even though she insisted that he stay and eat breakfast.

Meanwhile, Lauren forced herself to eat a salad. Every bite she ate, she felt like puking back up. She had never experienced a heart break like this before.

"Where's Maite?" Camila asked as she took a sip of her water.

Lauren didn't hear her, her thoughts were the only thing she heard.

"Lauren," Dinah called.

The Cuban looked up and gave Dinah a blank look, "Huh?"

"Where's your girlfriend?" The Polynesian asked giving Lauren a skeptical look.

Lauren looked like hell. Her eyes didn't have their usually shine and her face bared no emotion. 

"She's not my girlfriend anymore," Lauren mumbled as she stabbed her fork in her salad. 

Everyone at the table was shocked.

"What happened?" Ally asked what everyone was thinking.

"I broke up with her."

"Why the hell would you do that?" Normani questioned, feeling a little angered.

None of them liked this news. Lauren and Maite were made for each other. In all the years they had know Lauren, she had never been more happy than when she was with Maite.

Instead of responding, Lauren stood up from the table, "I'll see you all later."

She left her half eaten food and went outside.

It was warm outside even though she thought having clouds in the sky would fit her mood better. She leaned against the side of the back side of the bus and let the tears fall.