Where Were You

Baby Steps to Healing

Lauren's PoV

The gravel, beneath the tires of the white jeep rental, crunched as I pressed the break pedal slowly. There was no sound coming from the back where Matthew lay sleeping in his car seat while Lucas and Dylan had their headphones in, listening to a movie that was playing to entertain them.

I felt a hand slip through mine while the other gripped the steering wheel tight. Just the touch of her warm skin helped the knots in my stomach ease a bit. It had been years since I was outside the house I grew up in.

"We can take a few minutes if you need it." Camila said softly and squeezed my hand in comfort.

I nodded and smiled gratefully, my hand finally letting go of the steering wheel and pushing through my hair. "Thanks Camz," I breathed.

We sat in silence before Dylan tapped on my shoulder and pulled herself up to rest her chin in the crook of my neck. "I'll hold your hand Momma."

I bit my lip, trying to keep my tears at bay for as long as I could. Camila and I talked about my parents and how much I missed them and wished I could've done a lot of things differently before they passed away. We talked almost every day, even if they were little things we discussed for minutes here and there. I was slowly allowing myself to heal so I could be stronger for those times when Dylan asked about her grandparents. She has many great memories and I know her heart aches for them as well.

I took a deep breath and nodded, opening up the driver's side door and planting my feet onto the gravel for the first time in, what felt like centuries. It felt spongy beneath my feet and I didn't like the feeling of the unsteadiness in my stance. I braced my sweaty palms against the jeep and inhaled sharply, closing my eyes. I could hear my parents yelling at me for pulling into the driveway too fast or with my music blasting too loud. I could see my mom smiling in the doorway the very first time I brought Dylan to visit. I could smell the freshly cut grass my dad would do every Saturday morning. All the memories blasted me into the reality of them not being here anymore.

"Momma?" Lucas was at my side, her hand on the small of my back while Camila pulled me close to her. "Come on Dyl, let's keep Matthew company until they're ready to go in."

I hadn't realized I was crying until Dylan dug her feet into the dirt and clung to me, her own eyes shimmering with tears. It broke my heart all over again and I knelt down, allowing her arms to wrap around me tightly. "I miss them too." She sniffled.

I glanced at Camila and she had unshed tears as well. Her hand was caressing my cheek before she'd run it through Dylan's hair. She pulled us both close and kissed our cheeks. "You know, your parents are proud of you right now, Lo. You have accomplished so much. You have a beautiful little girl that is as bright as can be and you're about to gain a wife and two more kids, officially, into your family."

I managed to smile and press my lips against hers gently. "Thank you, Camila." I whispered once again. I wiped Dylan's tears and squeezed her to me before letting go and standing up. I took her hand in mine and looked down at her. "What do you say, are you ready to go in?"

We all glanced up at the huge empty house, the keys to all the doors burning slightly in my pocket.

"Did you want us to come in?" Camila asked, pointing to Lucas, who now had a sleepy Matthew holding her hand.

"Of course." I smiled softly and nodded my head for them to follow us to the familiar pathway.

The inside hadn't changed much. Everything was covered in dust because it took me so long to earn the bravery to step inside. Even though the smell of my childhood home was long gone, I could still pick it out when we wandered further into the foyer.