Where Were You

I Don't Understand

Sammy's PoV

"Camila said I could stay with her for a few days," Sofi smiled softly at me as we sat in Johnny's for our first breakfast alone in over a week.

Camila, Lauren and the girls had taken off a few days prior and it seemed my favourite Cabello was missing in action afterwards. Normani told me she had a rough couple of days but didn't venture further into the issue and I never pressed.

I was a little curious as to why Normani knew such a thing but I didn't ask. I could only assume Sofi said something to Camila and therefore it was relayed to the dark brunette.

Still, the atmosphere was off since New Years. Aside from the constant love struck googly eyes Camila and Lauren made for each other since their engagement, everything seemed off.

"Then you're heading..." It was like trying to pull teeth from a horse to get Sofi to open up to me. It was odd really.

"Vancouver," she sighed, "hit the studio. They want me in New York after the first half of my tour to lay down some tracks for a bonus CD. The record label has a contract with another label in New York City, working on a charity promo. I'm looking forward to that."

"That's cool." I offered sincerely. "Too bad it wasn't now; you could've travelled back with Ace."

Silence swept between us and it was uncomfortable and awkward. I watched Sofi's face fall slightly and her fingers twitch. Her eyebrows furrowed together while her husky grey eyes fell towards the pancakes on her plate.

"Sofia?" I breathed softly and instinctively grabbed her hand from across the table. "I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

Sadness was evident in her features but she finally looked up at her, blinking slowly while exhaling air softly. "No, you didn't." A half smile appeared on her face but it wasn't that sincere.

"Did you two have another argument?" I asked, suddenly feeling bad. After Tracey found out I had a key to their house, Sofi was a little more distant with me.

Again, I wasn't going to push. I had Normani to think of as well, she was my girlfriend. She wanted my attention, she craved it and she wasn't afraid to show it. It would do me no good in rejecting her the time while I had it.

I was alone with Sofi because Normani insisted on it and headed back to Kenora to take the girls to the Leafs game.

"I guess you could say that." Sofi blinked a little and sighed, her fork making holy patterns in her breakfast.

"Did you want to talk about it?" I asked gently, placing down my own fork in favour of giving her my undivided attention. It wasn't a hard thing to do with Sofi.

She seemed to have paused a brief moment before tucking strands of black hair behind her ears. Grey eyes focused outside the window, watching the light snowflakes fall to the ground. "Tracey is back in New York," Sofi whispered shakily, "and I doubt she's coming back."

I frowned and tilted my head slightly. "What do you mean?" Deep down I knew instantly what she meant but for some reason the question was asked anyway.

My heart broke for her when we stared at each other silently.

"Sofi Cabello is single again. It's for the best," she smiled painfully before sitting up straighter.

"Oh God Sofia," I breathed brokenly, grabbing her hands and squeezing them.

I didn't know what to say next and I didn't know how to feel.

I've said time and time again that we were over, that there was no chance for us in the future but a part of me never wanted to believe that was true. A part of me still held on tightly.

"Did you see it coming?" Sofi asked me quietly. She studied my face just as hard as I studied hers.

I knew they were going through a rough patch but I never did see that one coming. I thought Sofi and Tracey would make it work.

"No." I replied honestly.

"Really?" She looked a little shocked and the tone of her voice led me to believe that she was unsure of my answer. "Everyone else could. Camila, Lauren, Normani!" Her hands flew up in the air slightly. "Everyone except me... and you, I guess."

"I swear I never..." I swallowed and licked my lips before grasping onto what she just said. "Everyone knew? How come, I mean... when did you guys break up?"

"The night before she left," Sofi sighed heavily, her eyes closing briefly.

"Why didn't I know this?" I asked a little hurt. Sure, maybe I didn't have the right to know but Sofi could usually tell me everything. Her mouth liked to open every time she heard news that was 'gossip' worthy.

"Sam," her voice was now shaky and she held her breath, "please don't ask me that."

I was slightly confused. "Ask you why everyone knew and I'm the last one to know? I've been wondering why people were walking on egg shells this past week and why you've been so distant with me. Sofia, I thought you knew you could talk to me. About anything."

"I wanted too, okay?" Her head shot up and she stared up me, unshed tears evident in her eyes. "But I didn't know how too. I didn't know how to face you after everything that was said with Tracey."

"What?" I shook my head, both of us pushing our plates away. "I don't understand."

"No, you wouldn't." Sofi whispered. "You don't understand how every time you look at me; my heart beats that much faster. How whenever I do dream, it's only because you're with me. I tried so hard to forget about you Samantha, I did. I fought it but the harder I fought, the easier it was to fall back in."

I held my breath, air rushing through my ears rapidly while my heart beat fast. A confession that was so raw and urgent was held high and heavy on us, I didn't know how to respond.

"I meant it when I said I didn't want you to go anywhere, that I loved your company. I tried to believe it was because we were best friends and it felt good to have you around again. It wasn't though," she sniffled, unable to hold back the tears, "it was because my heart wanted you to want me back."

"Sofia," I choked out and went shook my head, "I-"

"Tracey broke up with me because she wanted me to be happy. She knew how I felt before I even fully realized it. God, it must've been so hard for her to watch me watch you."

A deafening silence lingered over us and I thought of Normani. She knew all of this and she didn't tell me. She still treated me with romantic flowers and soft slow kisses, but she knew how Sofi and I worked.

Normani was seen in a whole new light. Someone I wanted to be with because she made me happy.

"I'm not asking you to return the feelings," Sofi finally said sadly, "I know you're happy right now. I know that smile you make when your heart skips a beat and Normani does that. But I can't fight this feeling anymore Sam, I can't pretend I don't feel anything when you're all I ever feel."

"You know I love you," I whispered back, biting my lip. "You know that I'll always be here for you."

"Don't be." Sofi finally wiped her face and laughed a little. "Please, just..." she frowned slightly before standing up. "...promise me something?"

I wanted to stand up too. I wanted to take her in my arms and tell her everything would be okay. It was how we worked, it was us and perfect.

But something stopped me from doing so. The look in her eyes, the body language she was giving me, it was all so distant still. I could only nod at her question.

"Live." She breathed and placed her sunglasses on her face, the tint so dark I couldn't even tell if she was looking at me anymore. "See you around Samantha Taylor."

I tried to open my mouth to say something, anything, to stop her. I couldn't even budge.

I sat there alone and frowned, not understanding what just happened.

Not understanding why my heart felt like it was breaking over and over again the further she walked away from me.

Not understanding why I couldn't grab her and tell her I felt the exact same way.

"I don't understand." I whispered silently, tears finally falling freely.