Hamilton Drabbles/Oneshots

Pointless

WARNING: #Descriptive Suicide Thoughts Are Descriptive

John Adams would never commit suicide.

The idea of getting a sharp object and putting it to your own skin freaked him out. It made his skin crawl just thinking about how much blood would come out. And how much it would hurt? No way. No way he would ever commit suicide.

But it still lingered in his brain.

Everyday something would happen that would make his brain suggest it. Alexander Hamilton would spread a rumor about him, Angelica Schuyler would snicker as he walked by, Peggy Schuyler and Eliza Schuyler would whisper about him during lunch, Thomas Jefferson would ignore him in front of James Madison.

That last one was rather common.

John and Thomas had a sort of past that wasn't exactly perfect. Well, it was perfect in the beginning. They used to be amazing, close friends. But about 2 months ago, John and Thomas were at a college party hanging out in the basement. They were drinking and Thomas ended up admitting he thought John was cute. John confessed he liked Thomas. One thing led to another and next thing you know they're kissing on the couch.

So Thomas has one hand up John's shirt and the other in his black curly hair. John has his arms around Thomas's neck and his head tilted to deepen the kiss. The minute Thomas heard footsteps on the stairs he shoved Adams off of him and pulls out his phone. He also made sure to wipe the saliva off his lips. John stares at him for a second before going back to eating pizza.

They hadn't talked since.

John tried to text, call, and talk to him. But apparently Thomas Jefferson made it his life goal to ignore the boy. John finally had enough about a week ago and yelled at him in the cafeteria. Everybody watched him go off Jefferson.

But people don't see John as a broken hearted boy.

They see him as a fat, crying, hysterically screaming faggot.

So the film was uploaded in social media. John became even more of a laughing stock at school. It was great. Now he was a complete loser. Even Sam Adams wouldn't hang out with him, and that was a real punch in the gut. So he was friendless.

There were days that the thoughts would roll into his head. "Of course nobody would want to hang out with me" or something like "why am I even still here". If there was a button to poof him out of existence, he would hit the button without a second thought.

The thing was, he had a loving family. A wonderful mother that cared about him, a father that had almost no flaws and spent time with him. There was nothing necessarily wrong with his home life. It was his social life that broke him. All the time he would get notes in his locker and notes during class. Things saying he should kill himself or drop out of school.

John really wanted to. But his parents would never let him drop out of school. They would crash the new car before letting him drop out. Killing himself already wasn't an option. Every once in awhile though, it would get pretty bad. He would grab some scissors and cut his thighs.

Never his wrists though.

Not because they would bleed, no no no. He knew the scissors wouldn't make him bleed to much. It was that wrists were obvious. You could see the wrists perfectly, and John didn't want to attract attention. He always cut his thighs because they were easy to hide. Long shorts, sweats, pants, and if they saw something bad he could easily blame the cat for it.

John Adams would never commit suicide.

But it still lingered in his brain.