LET ME IN [#wattys2018]

Chapter nineteen-/My dirty, red, ugly, bloody...little secret/

Ashleys pov:

"I... fuck it. Yeah." I say smiling. He looks like i just gave him happy pills.

He jumps my bed and hugs me so tight. It feels nice though. He sighed and hugged tighter. I gasped and coughed.

"Can't. Breathe." I wheezed out.

"Oh, shit. Sorry." He said, loosening up. I giggled and looked at him. He was smirking, more like a faded smile that was etched onto his mouth.

"So beautiful." He whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

I could feel the blush, heat creeping up my neck was brought to his attention and he broke into smile. He stroked my cheekbone and leaned in.

I met him in the middle and our lips latched onto each other. It was soft, gentle. I made the bold move and glided my tongue over his bottom lip. He groaned and i smiled against his lips.

Suddenly, he flipped us over and he was hovering over me. One arm was propped up and he was gripping my hips with the other.

He ran a hand down my thigh and down to my calf and brought it up. He then ran his hand back down settling on the bone between my hip and thigh.

"Damn darling, what're you doing to me?"

I softly moaned and he started kissing down my neck.

I gasped when i felt his tongue shoot out and swirl patterns on my neck. I felt my skin pull and then a small pain. I whimpered and then moaned again when he kissed it softly.

He then pulled away and pecked my lips and smiled. I smiled too. His lips were swollen and his eyes seemed darker.

His gaze then shifted to my left (his right).

His jaw dropped a little and his eyebrows furrowed. He lifted his weight and reached to grab something.

"Whats this?" He asked, sounding a little scary.

I looked up and my eyes automatically stung. He held up a white towel with bright, big, red blotches of blood, all over it.

My heart rate increased.

That night when I relapsed. I cut myself. I just covered it with a towel and threw it under my bed incase i needed it again. Unhygienic, i know.

I felt my hands sweat.

"Ashley, what happened." Xavier looked a little angry now.

My head hung and i glanced at my arm and turned it away from anyones sight. Xavier sighed.

"Ash... did, did you... hurt yourself?" Xavier whispered.

"Obviously not." I snapped.

"Then what happened." He asked looking gravely in my eye. He was frowning, softly. He clearly didn't believe me.

"I fell and my knee was bleeding really bad, so i wrapped a towel around it. Must've forgot to put it in the trash." I shrugged.

He grabbed my leg and ripped the fabric off my knee. He went to do the same with the other until i stopped him. He looked at me and pushed my hands away and ignored my protests.

Both of my knees were bare. No scratches. No gashes. Nothing.

His head snapped up to mine and i gulped.

"Ashley. Im gonna ask again. What. Happened?" He gritted.

"Nothing." I whispered.

"What happened?!" He suddenly yelled. I flinched.

"Fine! I fucking did it okay! Happy?!" I snapped and yelled at the same time. He winced at my tone and his eyes immediately softened.

"Of course not. Why would that make me happy?" He asked.

"I dont know. Its what you wanted to hear." I mutter.

"No. I wanted to hear the truth. I dont like it when people lie to me. Especially you. Now... can i ask why?" He lifted my chin up with two fingers.

"Cause im weak..." i whispered, looking in his eyes.

"When?" His voice kinda cracked.

"The first night you stayed..." i was still whispering.

His eyebrows rose up and down and then he was frowning.

He lifted me up and sat me on his lap and wrapped his arms around me. One arm was hugging my waist and the other was cradling my head.

A sob broke through me and i clung to his shirt. He was now rocking us. His chest wasnt evenly breathing. It went up and them down very shallow. I am weak.

Xavier pov:

I was cradling her. She was so... vulnerable. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes. But i couldnt cry, this was about her, not me. I habe to be strong for her.

Yeah, fat chance.

A tear slipped from my eye and in came the next one and the next and so on. I was crying.

I tried to mask it by swallowing and breathing shallowly but the tears kept coming.

Hearing her sobs hardly helped either. She was breaking me.

Thinking of her, here, Alone, Probably in pain, made me cry harder. The worst part is that i was right across the hall. I could've came in and stopped her. I knew she selfharmed. I saw the scars. Im so fucking stupid. Why wasnt i there.

"Ashley, never, ever say your weak again. Do you hear me?" My coice was cracking like fuck, but she needed to hear this." You, have been through so much, so fucking young. You lived hell and then some more, but you survived. You are anything but weak. Your amazing and perfect.  So please, im begging you, stop hurting yourself."

Her shoulders shook harder and I squeezed tighter. I kissed her head.

"You can come to me, talk to me hey even just hug me. Im always gonna be here babygirl." I spoke into her hair.

She was still crying.

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It was a few minutes before I realised that she had stopped crying. It was silent. All i could hear were her steady breaths.

She was asleep.

That talk and crying must have knocked her out. Normally, crying makes me tired, but in this case, i couldnt sleep. I needed to keep an eye out for her.

She was snuggled really tightly to my chest and i sighed.

She had a small frown on her face and her legs were twitching. Then her arms and head.

"No... not again." She breathed. I frowned again.

Jesus man, stop fucking crying and fix it.

I pressed my thumb in between her eyebrows and straightened out her frown.

She started breathing rapidly and then slowed. She snuggled my chest and i could feel her hot breath.

I hated her past. I hated her old life.

I was going to fix it.

And if i ever saw zeke fucking righton...

I was going to kill him.

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So... everything is out in the open. There will be a few more flashbacks and shit but theres no more secrets.

Or is there...

Anywhoooo, lemme know what you think?

Hannah❤️