Where Were You

The Woman Who Struggles

This Camila showed me her whole soul. She let down that aggressive part of her and let me in completely. She trusted me with every fiber of her being and I knew that because I could feel it and see it.

I hoped that I could really show her all of me in that same way. Swaying with her on that ice that particular night, I knew I could. I knew I could trust myself and in turn, have her trust me with everything she held in her hand that was a possession of me.

I was finally finding myself, Lauren Jauregui, within a woman...

...a woman who had awakened a part of me I never knew existed.

//

I was standing outside for the first time in months. Not because I couldn't go outside, I just didn't want to. But now I had no choice. I sat in the back of the cab and waved sadly to Karen, who told me I was going to be fine out in the real world. That I had healed and a reason to go on fighting life and living it.

I looked down at the framed picture in my hand and smiled softly. I was finally on my way towards her.

"Where to?" The driver asked me and I licked my lips. The freedom was a big deal.

"Red River Inn." I finally found my voice and leaned against the backseat of the cab. I hadn't heard from Sofi in over a month and I couldn't help but wonder what exactly was going on.

I finally found myself standing alone in the smallest hotel room possible, wanting it that way. I saved a newspaper, hoping that I could find a small apartment while I waited patiently to leave this place. Not that I minded being in Thunder Bay, but it wasn't home.

I just wanted to go home.

I unpacked a few things I'd need and was happy they gave me back all my personal items. I took a picture out of my back pocket and placed it on the table by the bed, allowing my finger to linger on it for a few seconds before grabbing my key.

My bank account hadn't been frozen, thank the Lesbian God. I felt a twitch in my chest when I saw the balance present millions of dollars I had yet to touch. I didn't think the money was that important. I kept it there for future use.

The only purchase I made that day was a cell phone. I programmed numbers into it as soon as I got back and licked my lips, hitting 'send' on one in particular.

I listened to it ring a few times before someone picked up. "Hello?"

"Long time no talk, kid." I sighed and I heard a gasp on the other end.

"Lauren?" Sofi whispered for some reason and I heard some muffling before her voice returned to normal, "Where are you calling from?"

"Cell phone." I smiled and clutched the phone in my hand. "I haven't heard from you, I was getting antsy."

"Oh I know," Sofi sighed and chuckled a bit, "it's been hectic, you know? But um, Tracey and I have good news!"

"Did she finally knock you up?" I laughed and she made a 'boo' sound.

"Lame." She muttered with an amused voice. "We're going to have an outside wedding this summer!"

I still found it hard to believe that my lil Sofi was going to get married. I really did. "I better be invited."

She snickered. "Duh, of course! So we're going to have in this courtyard that is surrounded by tiger lilies. Trace wants to have some candles set up along the walk way and I think that'd be an awesome idea. I wonder how-"

Sometimes if I closed my eyes while listening to her talk, I could see Camila. They had similar voices and back in high school, I may have grown to learn the difference but it made me wonder what Camila's voice sounded like now. "How is she?" I asked, cutting her off.

"Who?" Sofi's voice changed into a serious tone.

"Camila." God it felt so good to hear her name fall from my lips.

"Lauren," she drew out my name and sighed heavily, "she's good. She uh, she's successful."

"Yea?" I smiled, "doing what?"

"Um," I could tell she was trying to make up something and it made me think the worst.

"She's married." I guessed and looked out the small window.

"No!" Sofi said hurriedly. "Mila isn't married. She has too much on her plate to get involved with anyone."

"Oh." I frowned. "Does she know about me?"

"She's asked about you." Sofi confessed with a light tone. "She asked when I saw you last and I told her over a year ago."

"Sofi!" I hissed. "Why did you lie?"

"Omigod, what was I supposed to say? 'Yea, I visited her not too long ago.' And then she'd ask me where you were. 'Oh you know, in rehab.'" Sofi scowled, "that'd go over real smooth."

"Do you think she hates me?"

"No." Sofi softened and laughed heartedly, "but she did. She held a grudge for the longest time but she got over it."

Over it.

Over me.

"Sofi?" I was all of a sudden tired.

"Hmm?" Sofi hummed.

"How is she?" I asked again.

"Perfect." Sofi whispered, knowing exactly what I was talking about.

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