Liebe - 43

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"Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag it's tail." ~ Richard Friedman

Antonella.

"And where are you coming from dear ?" My father surprised me as I was about to tippy toe upstairs the Steenkamp mansion.

"Uhm.." I got stuck like, no lie was good enough.

"If this is how you want to behave Nella then I'm afraid your trip will be cut short." My father warned me throwing a new paper on the kitchen counter while he sipped on his probably green tea, he liked having it in the morning. I took the news paper...fuck fuck goodness gracious...it was a photograph of Lukas and I entering the Calton hotel last night, hand in hand. I couldn't deny that.

"Nella he is engaged and I can't believe you didn't bother telling me about your first boyfriend." He frowned because I always told him everything.

"I'm sorry pa, it's just I had not thought that far yet."

"You know what's best stay away from him."

"What no. I won't do that." I raised my voice.

"Are you talking back at me ?" My father furrowed his brows. I folded my arms, this was a great opportunity to remind him of his own lies.

"No, Lukas makes me happy and nothing not even you will keep me away from him."

"You are so stubborn like..." He sighed smiling lightly.

"Like who ? Tsholofelo? " I spat and his eyes became cold.

"How-"

"I know dad, Did you think I was never going to find out ?" I said with a nonchalant tone.

"Nella, you don't need your mother. Having me was always enough remember-"

"Nie pa, No you made me believe that you were all I ever needed but truth is you don't know how i have always wanted a mother. You don't know how many times I had to pretend I didn't are just to make you happy. You don't know how many times, I've cried myself to sleep and you tell me that I don't need a mother." I raised my voice, my father just stood there dumb founded.

"Why didn't you say anything Nella ?" He asked in a low tone.

"I didn't want to upset you." I curtly replied.

"Where is she ?" I demanded.

"Who ?" My dad said sipping on his green tea which made me even more angry.

"WHERE IS MY MOTHER ? WHERE IS SHE BECAUSE I HAVE NEEDED HER MY WHOLE LIFE." I yelled.

"Antonella Le Roux, don't you dare raise your voice at me. You have never done that and you won't start now because you have been hanging around with that German boy." He said calmly.

"Pa, stop stop changing the story this is not about Lukas."

"It is about him. He is a bad influence on you because now you even yell at your own father."

"It's something I have always wanted to do even before I met Lukas so shoot me for that."

"I don't like this attitude of yours, what happened to my Nella ?"

"The Nella that would suck up to your lies is not available anymore. I'm done with playing fairytale, you always said I didn't need a mother but I need my own mother and you had no position to tell a child that she didn't need a mother."

"You have everything Nella, i gave you everything and this is how you treat your own father. "

"And father who lies." My tears were right under my eyes and I couldn't stop them. "Pa, i really didn't want everything but I just wanted my mother." I hiccuped because I was crying.

"Oh come here, baba." He opened his arms for me, my safe haven always been.

"No pa." I declined but I really wanted to cry in my father's arms like always. "I'm going to my room." I made my way up the stairs, i saw a glint of pain and sadness in my father's eyes. When I made my way up to my guest bedroom it was quiet, guessing Anwar and my best friends were asleep so this was perfect I could cry myself. I halted out from my bed reaching my phone it knew exactly whom to call.

After three rings, she answered. I always knew she was awake by this time and considering South Africa and Germany had the same timezone.

"Morning miss Rose." I snirveled still a bit tipsy from crying.

"Oh, Nella I haven't heard from you in so long. The mansion is so empty without you princess."

"I'm sorry, it just slipped I will definitely call more often."

"How's Germany ?"

"It's great and so beautiful." I curtly replied. "Miss Rose please tell me more about Tsholofelo ?" The line was silent, i actually thought it went dead but she was still there.

"How did you know ?"

"I know everything, i just want to hear your side of the story ?" I lied.

"Well all I know is your father had just came from Netherlands to South Africa for a business deal with Johan de Ruiter . Your father was only Twenty two, and Tsholo was the maid at the De Ruiter mansion." She said calmly. I had never been more interested in anything than this. Is it me or many people always meet in hotels ?

"He fell inlove with her, the first day he saw her." I smiled having a picture of my unknown mother smiling.

"Your father always said she had the most mesmerising smile with dimples."

That's how I inherited my dimples. I cried silently.

"They obviously had some fun during his stay." She laughed.

Yes that's why I exist right ?

"And you know black people weren't allowed to be associated with the whites...you could even get imprisoned."

"Yes, I know but is that what happened? " I panicked thinking of my mother being held in those horrible slump cells by apartheid police.

"No but your grandfather didn't approve of it, so he went back to Netherlands with your father even though he refused."

"Then what happened?"

"Your father came back to South Africa and till this day he has never returned to Netherlands because the Le Roux family disowned him when they found out...your mother was pregnant."

I caused pain in both my parents lives.

"She --" the door opened revealing my father then I quickly threw my phone under the cushion. "

"I'm sorry, Nella. I don't like it when we fight like this."

Me Too.













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