“No, no, no, Ella-“ Luke begs, his voice cracking at my name, the sound of Ashton talking to the crowd can be heard in the background, along with people telling Luke he has to get back on stage, but he ignores them.
“I-I’m sorry, Luke,” I say stuttering, my voice also cracking.
“It doesn’t have to be like this, Ella, I-I can-I can quit the band, I’ll come back tonight, we can figure this out, Ella, but please don’t do this, please,” he begs quieter this time. I know he’s crying and he can’t stop, I know he’s sitting with his head between his knees leaned up against a wall, crying profusely.
“You have a crowd to entertain, Luke, get back to them, they deserve you,”
“They can wait, you’re all that matters, Ella,” he says. I slide down the kitchen wall, the water is long over boiled, but I don’t care. I can’t see straight, my eyes blurry from tears.
“Don’t,” I warn trying to stay strong, but my voice betraying me. Cracking when I don’t want it to, making me seem weak.
“Ella, please, I’m desperate! I’m nothing without you, we can figure this out, just-just wait for me,”
“Luke, I have been waiting!”
“I know, I know, but please give me a few more months, I’ll be back and we’ll be okay, it’ll all be okay. We’ll watch a movie and cuddle on the couch with the girls like old times, nothing will change, please, Ella, I don’t even deserve to be asking this of you, but please wait for me,” he begs
“This is hard for me too Luke! I didn’t want to break up with you, but I have to, I did it because it was needed for us and the kids. Please, Luke,” I beg again, not even sure if he could hear me because I was so quiet
“Hemmings! You have to get out here, Ashton’s stalled them long enough!” I hear someone who I think is Zayn call.
“El-“ he starts but I cut him off
“Go,” I say insisting.
“I love you, forever and always,” he whispers
“You too, Luke, you too,”
I didn’t have the heart to say I love you again, because although I do love him, more than anything, I didn’t want to give him false hope, because false hope at this point could tear him down, and I don’t want to be the girl to tear him down, I want to build him up. But how am I supposed to build him up while yelling all the time? It doesn’t work.
The rest of the day was spent in silence, only talking to Leah and Kathryn if I was calming them down. Not even music or the telly played in the background. I was left with my thoughts, something that may as well kill me.
I continue to stare at the same spot, on the same plain white wall that I have been for around 3 hours, only moving or tearing my gaze for something the girls needed. Luke hasn’t called back, not that I expected him to, but a girl can hope. Just when I was hoping to be able to go to bed, and get some actual sleep, my phone rings.
“Hello?” I ask monotonously
“Baby,” I hear Luke say through the phone
“Don’t, Luke, don’t call me that,” I say, not stuttering this time, my voice not betraying me. My eyes stay locked with the eggshell white paint sample.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, and then the line is silent. Nothing in the background, and neither one of us are saying anything.
“I want you,” he says, and I don’t know wether to take it sexually or not.
“And I want the old you,” I decide to stick with a non-sexual version of his words.
“I still am the old me, though,” he says
“No you aren’t,” I say with no emotion whatsoever. I feel numb, no emotion whatsoever and not wanting to feel any emotion.
“How? How have I changed?” he asks in a begging tone
“You’re distant, and less calls and you just aren’t you. It seems like you don’t even want to be around me and the girls anymore,” I say tears threatening to spill over, although I remain emotionless, I don’t care if I cry. Because this time, the tears aren’t tears of sadness, depression or empathy. They’re tears of anger, pure and genuine anger.
“I’m sorry,” he says again as if it’s going to change anything.
“You can say you’re sorry as much as you want, but it won’t change anything, Luke, it’s done,”
“No, no, it can’t be,” he protests,
“Luke, stop, you’re looking desperate,” I practically scoff
“I don’t care how stupid I look, how desperate I look, how pathetic I look because I’m fighting for you and I want you back and I don’t want to let you go, please Ella just let me prove to you how much I love you, how much I need you, and want you, please, Ella,” he begs.
I’m having an internal debate, I could give him another chance to prove himself, let him show me that he deserves me as he said he does, or I could drop everything and never talk to him again. Refuse all contact with him, tell him he can’t see ‘his’ kids. I could take all that away in a heartbeat if I wanted to, but am I really that mean? Could I really just take him out of the girl’s lives? Not that they’d know the difference, though.
“Once more, Luke, don’t blow it,”
(A/N)
Hey guys! I'm happy that I got to update today :D tryouts are A L M O S T over! So bear with me through the next few months! I have 4 months left then I'm free for five/six months after that! So yeah:) I still can't remember what I was going to say, and it's like semi-important bleh.Our first game is in 17 days! Yippie!
Ummm oh! Only 2 more chapters to Princess Ella, then Runner will only have around 20 something chapters, and Finding Sister will have 20ish too then it'll be done and I'll be starting either Single Rider or London, 1985 which is a new one I haven't told anyone about! So yeah :D
I LOVE YOU GUYS:) xx <3
xx _DatWriterChick xx
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