Princess Ella [Book 2; Daddy Series]

27: I Can't...

I’ve been here for a few days now, and have been looking for places to work. No luck yet, Jack and Elizabeth have been helping a lot they’ve been amazing. I’ve pretty much dropped out of school, there was absolutely no way I was going to be able to balance all of that and the kids it just wasn’t working out. I also couldn’t leave the girls with Jack and Elizabeth for 8 hours a day, which would be way too much to ask of them.

Luke and I haven’t spoken and I don’t know what is really going on between us, I’m not as mad at him, more at Harry, I’ve texted him telling him that, but haven’t gotten a reply. I’ve let him have his space and I miss him like crazy, he still has a few more months on tour and I can’t go the next 7 months without Luke will be hell, but it has to happen. I sigh picking up Leah as she starts crying. I start rocking her and her crying slows down.

The house has been empty and lonely, only the sound of movies or soft music playing in the background, sometimes I call people, but for the most part I’ve separated myself from mostly everyone. I had dinner with Elizabeth and Jack last night which was fun.

I stand up from the couch and walk into the kitchen. It’s pretty much like an apartment, there’s even a hot tub just outside the house that I haven’t been able to go in yet because of the girls who are, sadly, too little.

I set down Leah next to her sister as my phone starts to ring

“Hello?” I say into the phone, not really paying attention to who called as I rummage through the cupboards.

“Hi,” I hear Luke’s voice for the first time in ages.

“Luke,” I breathe almost dropping the box of macaroni and cheese that I grabbed from the cupboards

“Ella,” he returns I can almost hear him smiling.

“Why-erm-how are you?” I almost ask why he hasn’t called, but I don’t want to be the nagging girlfriend that nobody likes.

“I’m-I’ve been good, what about you?” He asks and I smile just being happy to hear his voice again. I grab a saucepan from the cupboard and fill it up with water.

“Good, I moved again,” I say and he chuckles lightly

“Where to this time?” I can picture his bright smile, him brushing his hair off his forehead and me just messing it up again. He’d tickle me and then kiss me until one of the girls started to cry interrupting us. He’d pick her up and then hold her talking to her and kissing her, making her smile and does a cute little baby laugh. I’d smile and lean into him watching as he talks and laughs and smiles.

“Hello? Ella?” He asks through the phone

“Oh, erm, sorry I was zoning out,” I stutter nervously

“Anyway, where did you move to?” he asks again. I start boiling the water and lean up against the counter

“In that place behind your brother’s house,” I say and I hear someone say something to him

“Hey, babe, I got to go, I’ll call you later okay?” 

“Will you?”  I ask not meaning for him to hear it

“What does that mean?” Well, can’t get out of it now, looks like we’re discussing this

“It means when I don’t hear from you for almost a week I have no damn clue what’s going on and I get a bit nervous. This is the first time we’ve talked and you’re acting as if we’ve spoken every day since you left. We haven’t, Luke! I hate you being gone, but not only because I miss you, but because you’re so distant!” I finish

“That’s not my fault, Ella!”

“Not your fault? You’re the one who hasn’t called, Luke! This is entirely your fault!”

“No it’s not! I’m out here every night working my ass off to support us!” He yells

“If you would’ve been talking to me for the past week, you would’ve known that I got a job!” I lie, but I’m so pissed I don’t even care that I’m lying

“Whatever, Ella,” he says hanging up on me. Goodbye to you too, and I thought we were going to be that couple that never fought, always got along perfect, but maybe I was wrong. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I’d never met him, if Aria never found Ashton, and we were all good. If Aria and I were still good and we weren’t as separated as we are. Maybe my life would be a lot better than it is now.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I broke up with Luke. If I ended it, if it would be better for the kids, for me, for everyone, Luke and I are fighting all the time, or we’re not talking and that can’t be good for anyone. I pick up my phone, and slide open the keyboard and type words I never thought I would, another tear is added to my phone screen every time I type a letter. This is painful enough for me and I can’t imagine what it will be like for him. He’ll be on stage when he gets this, he always checks his phone if it’s me, but maybe this time he won’t. I finish my message and press send and it’s off waiting for his reply.

Luke, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. It’s not good for us or the kids that we’re fighting all the time, I can’t deal with the fact that you’re gone, I know you’re trying to help the family, but I can’t do this, Luke. I can’t live not knowing if you’re cheating or not, or if you don’t want me anymore. I hate not knowing you’re here. I’ve actually thought about this a lot and this is my decision. You can still see the girls, but I don’t want to continue this. It’s too much. I’m sorry Luke. I will always love you, Ella.

(A/N)

Hey guys! Finally got an update! Last update was 2 days ago so its not that bad, but sorry anyway guys! I'm trying to prewrite a bunch of chapters before softball season actually starts so I currently have PE finished and working on Runner right now:)

It's looking good! Um I feel like I was going to tell you guys something super important and I can't remember and it's annoying me....erg idk I'll edit it if I need to tell you:D

I LOVE YOU GUYS!! :) xx <3

xx _DatWriterChick xx