Darkness Remains ( Vampire Academy Fanfict )

13 - Out of moves

Two weeks. Two fucking weeks I haven't moved my legs or my body. I'm in a fucking wheelchair a week already, a week before I was only in bed. What would the famous Rose Hathaway do in a situation like this you'd ask? Well I can't magically heal myself.

And while we are at that Lissa and Adrian have been healing me, but it ain't working.

Is it because of the blow out before? It's the darkness taking over? I can't ever remember the whole thing.

Adrian visited me and Lissa was here at the same time. The funny thing was that when he got inside the room he looked like he saw a ghost. Not because i was hurt, because of my aura. He said that everything was completely black, there is a tiny spark still trying to beat the blackness, but it's no use. And guess what else he said.

Lissa's aura was never clearer before. It's like the darkness found a new home and it me, but I don't have the power to contain that much. He also said it looked horrifying, but I didn't look any better so that makes thing much better. Not.

God why am I so angry? I could kill someone. But I'm still warning myself till i can.

And the main question here is, would I most likely kill myself when it takes over? Or would I become a lunatic? A psycho who kills everything he sees in front of him? In any way I'm going to end up like Anna.

The sound of that scares me, I don't really wanna imagine what that would be like. But why me? Yes I don't want this to happen to Lissa and I won't let it happen to her, but still I don't wanna be remembered as the psycho who was once a Dhampir protecting the Queen but now doesn't care if she's breathing.

Everyone tried talking to me, mostly Dimitri, but I just can't. I haven't talked in two weeks with anyone. My head is spinning with questions. A lot has happened in these few days, when I get angry I can kill someone without knowing who it was. I'm silent and sad most of the time, or angry of course.

I don't want it to take over, they told me that I or um it said that it's name isn't Rose, or most likely yelled. But I'm Rose and I won't let some darkness take over me and my body.

I'm trying to stay as calm as I can and it's working actually, sometimes. But still everyone think that I'm still possessed because Rosemarie Hathaway is never the silent and depressed one, she's the one who asks for battle. But this is one hell of a battle. And I don't know how I'm going to beat it. How am I going to end up the winner in this battle?

I know that Dimitri is the only one who knows that I'm me, but broken.

I had so much self confidence, but in a blink of an eye I lost it all.

Now I'm just a girl in a wheelchair that everyone worries about.

"Hey Rose. How are you feeling today?" Dr. Olenski just came in to check, If I wasn't this depressed the old Rose would have said a snarky sarcastic comment to that.

All I did was turn to her and then I let my head sunk into my hands. I haven't cried, I haven't still given up, but I'm on the edge of it.

"Rose don't lose hope, you know you're the most confident person that I've ever met." She sat next to me holding one of my hands wearing a encouraging smile. "I've lost a lot but after everything that you've been through, you're till fighting, you're still here."

"Am I? I'm never going to be the same ever again. Not with this darkness within me, not with the anger I have. I can't just erase the darkness. With no charms or without the bond. It's still there and apparently a part of me. I'm not the same person who fights. I'd most likely lose this battle. And I think that's the most clever thing to do." I shocked her, that was the first time I've talked in weeks and it didn't sound good nether. My voice was raspy and a few crack here and there made the effect. Another thing, those tears, now I let them fall. Tears that I've been holding for too long. I'm now crying in my doctor's chest with someone watching me from the door.