Darkness Remains ( Vampire Academy Fanfict )

07 - It isn't real.

Panic set inside my chest. Anxiety. I was shaking. My eyes were watering.

I took a deep breath and it did not work. At all. I ran my hands trough my messy hair. No. Why am I feeling this s way? Nothing that scary happened.

I let the wall down. Damn it! I let the wall down between me and the spirits. I heard someone came in Dimitri's room and asked for me. I was not able to recognize the voice. I couldn't reply tho.

The bathroom door opened and it revealed Eddie. As he saw me next to the sink he ran to me worried. "Rose!" He started shaking me and I wasn't responding. My body was paralyzed, but my chet was rising and falling very fast. I couldn't take a deep breath. I couldn't calm down. "Rose breathe."

He started panicking and left the room. Thanks Eddie for helping me. I felt so alone and scared. But then he came back bringing Dimitri with him. "I didn't knew what to do. She isn't responding, she can't breathe."

Now Dimitri came into my view he took my hand and started speaking nonsense just to make me respond. "Roza, come on, you need to snap out of this. I don't know what happened but you need to come back to me, to Lissa. To everyone that loves you. Come on just breathe." It was too damn hard. My eyes were now looking at the floor as I was trying to move but nothing happened, that made me panic even more and I couldn't breathe anymore. I rolled my eyes not being able to take a deep breath. He lifted my head and kissed me.

My heart skipped a beat at the unexpected move Dimitri did, but it made my breathing and my heart go back to normal. I looked at Dimitri and I hugged him tight. As my head was laying on Dimitri's shoulder I saw Eddie and Victoria standing in the doorway Eddie was leaning on the door frame and Victoria was just standing there next to him.

I stood up with Dimitri's help and turned my head to the mirror that still had the writing on it and the hot water was still on. I let go of Dimitri and shut the water, but took a moment looking at the message from my friend before I wiped it with my sleeve. There was a little space where there wasn't anything written so I wrote thanks and my initials as a tear slipped.

Eddie and Dimitri were in shock of the warning that Mason wrote me and they knew that that was why I had a panic attack.

Dimitri took me to bed and Victoria brought me water. "Roza. Talk to me." He didn't ask if I was okay because he could read me and he knew that I was far from okay.

"I-it was Ma-Mase. He tr-tried to h-help me." As I said Mason's name he knew that I let the wall down and spirit attacked me.

"Okay you need to rest now, okay? We're all downstairs if you need anything Roza." He smiled sadly and was about to leave but I took his hand.

"Please stay with me. Please don't leave me, not you too." I cried and that nasty headache came in. I pulled his hand with all my strength that I didn't have.

"I'll never leave you, Roza." He said and laid next to me. I buried my head into his chest hugging him tightly so that he wouldn't leave me. I just had a breakdown, over what, a ghostly message. I've been through too much and I broke down about this.

Yeah spirit and darkness are definitely getting the best of me.

After I while I fell asleep and I felt Dimitri playing with my hair and kissing my forehead. I don't know what I'd do without this man.

I must've fallen asleep in Dimitri's arms because I woke up and it was already evening. Dimitri wasn't beside me but he's probably downstairs. I was feeling way better than before and that event was scaring me. Was it because I let the wall down or because of the darkness?

I wasn't me. I was depressed I felt like I broke.

I got up and went downstairs where everyone was sitting in the living room. "Hey." I said quietly as I sat next to Dimitri.

"How are you feeling?" Victoria asked as she broth me a cup of hot chocolate.

"I'm fine don't worry."

"No your not fine and you've been telling us the same thing for years, no more hiding your feelings and keeping to yourself." Dimitri stood up more worried and pained then frustrated. But he was right. I've never opened up to anyone to tell them how i feel or ask for help. I'm always figuring it out by myself but not because people aren't there for me. Because I don't want them to worry, it's not that I'm scared it's because I can't open up. I can't even tho I want to talk to someone I don't. I keep it to myself anyway.

"I had a panic attack. And it wasn't because I saw Mason, it was because I accidentally broth down the wall between me and spirit. And I've been having um control issues."

"What do you mean control issues?" Dimitri and Eddie asked in unison.

"I mean I'm constantly having problems with controlling the spirit darkness." I said as I looked down at my fingers and counted them to make sure I was awake. Under my nails I could still see dry blood and I instantly ran a hand on the back of my neck.

"I bandaged it." Dimitri sat next to me and took my hand in his and I looked into those chocolate brown eyes as they changed to fear. "Roza don't do it! Don't! You don't want to hurt us. It isn't you." Everyone was standing up and looking scared of me. But I didn't do anything. I was about to get up and run out the door but i heard Dimitri say my name softly.

"What?" My voice cracked as I blinked a a couple of times to clear my vision. I was back in the same position, Dimitri holding my hand and looking at me worried and everyone else's eyes were on us.

I must've imagined it.

"Roza I said you shouldn't do that anymore. We won't call Hans that we backed you down from the mission but you need to take care of yourself and if you don't feel okay tell us right away." No!

"No, no. I'm the head and I won't give up on the mission. I'm fine I swear. I just let the wall down and that's why that happened."

'Or is it?' the voice in the back of my head was killing me.

I'm fine. I'm fine. But really I'm far from fine.

I'm scared. I'm scared that the darkness will take over. I'm scared if I leave like this how will Lissa live with the darkness. It's not that I'm scared of death but it's because I'm scared for everyone around me. What if something happens while I'm gone? What if I am that something and the darkness makes me into a maniac that can't be controlled? But maybe that way they'll get rid of me and be safe.

Stop.

This isn't you talking.

This isn't you...

I took another breath and looked up at Dimitri again. "I'm not gonna stop fighting. This is my mission too."

"Okay." He said simply and hugged me tight.

Hey guys!

Sorry for not updating in a long time and that this chapter is too short, well I started school again and I'll be updating as much as I can but I'm not promising anything.

Thanks for you support! 

Love you all!

Kisses 🍩

-M.H.🔫