Phil Lester
"You're an asshole," Dan repeats for the twentieth time and I roll my eyes at him as I unlock the door of my apartment, grabbing Dan's hand and pulling him inside once it has opened.
"I'm aware," I respond and he bites the inside of his cheek in amusement, causing me to reach out and poke the indent of a dimple forming in his left cheek. His cheeks flush at the action and he looks away from me, and I laugh at him before grabbing his hand and pulling him further inside.
"What do you want to do?" I look back at him once we reach my bedroom, the bed made messily and a few books and coffee mugs littered on my table. He doesn't reply, he is preoccupied with his eyes roaming around my room, climbing up the poster covered walls and down to the scattered dvd's under my small flat screen.
"Dan?" I call out again and he snaps out of his trance, looking at me with raised eyebrows. I feel like it has been such a long time since I have appreciated the way his hair is curling at ends, or the way that his eyes are both dark and ablaze with a certain emotion, or the way that his lips are tinted a soft shade of rose.
"Yeah?" God he's so pretty.
"You can sit here for a while, I'll make you some coffee," I tell him but he furrows his eyebrows and shakes his head.
"No, I'll come with you," He says and I smile lopsidedly.
"To the kitchen..to make coffee?"
"Why are you so annoying? Fine I will just sit here and wait for you to make coffee," He slumps on the bed with an annoyed expression on his face and I tilt my head in confusion. His mood is a bit unreadable, I can't tell if he's genuinely still mad at me or just can't afford to create anymore distance between us which is why he is sat here right now. I don't think he has forgiven me for..whatever I have done but I haven't forgiven him for whatever he has done either.
This isn't as simple as I thought it would be.
"Well, why are you just standing there?" He snaps, and I sigh out loud, sitting down next to him instead and watch as he shifts a little further away from me to give me space to sit.
"Can we talk about things?" I mumble nervously. I don't really want to talk about whatever that happened or attempt to untangle our situation. I just want him to lay down and watch a movie with me and kiss me because I have missed him.
"About what?" His tone is jittery too, eventhough he's clearly trying to hide it, I know he is as uncomfortable with this conversation as I am.
"I don't know," I shrug, feeling the silence slowly seeping between us, causing an awkward tension to surround the air and I suddenly regret inviting him to my apartment. Seconds pass slower than ever before as he leans back against the pillows and I simply sit cross legged on my bed, waiting for something to magically happen and fix things between us.
"Do you want to watch a movie?" I ask him, breaking the silence, and he just looks at me with a strange expression. He sighs before scratching the back of his head, and getting off the bed, and I copy his actions, nervously contemplating what he's about to do.
"I-I think I should just go, this isn't going to work Phil," The honestly of his statement annoys and hurts me both at the same time and I run a hand through my hair frustratedly.
"Okay," I respond simply. If he isn't willing to try I am not an idiot who will keep running after him. We were both at fault, and I can't be the only one who is making all the efforts like a fucking fool.
"Okay?" He repeats. I am sure he expected me to beg for him to stay but I refuse to be the vulnerable one. Why should I continue trying when he doesn't even want to give us a chance? Maybe he is over the sudden "feelings" he had for me, he is Dan Howell after all.
"Yeah," I shrug, walking past him and into the kitchen to make myself a coffee. I should call PJ and ask if he wants to hang out. It's better if I spend my time with someone who actually gives a fuck.
"Are you mad at me?" He follows me and steps inside the kitchen after a while and I roll my eyes, starting the pot of coffee and leaning against the kitchen counter.
"Who gave you that idea?" I snap at him, and he furrows his eyebrows yet again, reaching forward to grip my arm but I flinch away from his touch.
"What have I done now?" He seems confused, as if he wasn't purposely trying to be an asshole, completely disregarding all the efforts I was trying to make to make things better between us.
"If you're not interested in fixing things then you can leave, I am not a fucking idiot," I glare at him and he pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration. He doesn't say anything, he just stands there with his lips pressed into a tight line, and I ignore him as the keurig beeps and I pour the weltering liquid in a mug.
When I turn to get the milk from the fridge, Dan is blocking my way, and although I have no intention to speak to him, I sigh out loud and tell him to move out of the way.
"Move," I'm aware that my tone is unnecessarily harsh, and he shoots me an annoyed glare.
"What are you going to do if I don't?" He snaps back. My annoyance is boosted because of the fact that he didn't say anything to me when I asked him to leave but he has all the words to say when he wants to be a dick.
"What's your problem?" I yell, and he catches me off guard by gripping my hips and pinning me against the counter, my hands reaching up reflexively to grip his shoulders.
"What the he—" And before I can continue my tantrum, he steps closer to me and covers my mouth with his.
--
god this was a little shitty i apologise ????
