Phil Lester
My eyelids are heavy when I try to open them the next morning, my stomach is bubbling and my head is aching. My body is pressed into the mattress and my skin is extremely hot, sweat beading on my forehead. I twist in my position, my vision blurring with every movement and I feel sick. Snippets of last night a swirling in my mind in an incoherent mess and I finally notice the tan arm splayed across my torso, brown hair nuzzled in my neck and heavy breathing echoing in my ears.
It's Dan.
His eyes are shut, his skin has a warm glow to it and his lips are tinted pink, soft snores escaping his mouth. His hair is slightly wavy in texture and not perfectly straight like I am used to see, and they are tangled and messy, and falling over his forehead.
He looks so beautiful.
It isn't late when confusion hits me like a huge tidal wave, wondering what the hell Dan is doing here with me in bed, where the hell am I, and where the hell is PJ? My heart is beating wildly at the sight of Dan's bare chest, and I am really scared considering what I might have done in my drunken state.
It was only yesterday when I told Dan to get out of my life and never speak to me again, but look where I am now. I look around anxiously, and it doesn't even look like my house. Maybe it's Dan's house? I have no idea. I remember walking into the house with flashing lights, I remember downing the burning vodka in massive quantities, I remember PJ.
PJ.
I remember how PJ tried kissing my neck, I remember how he touched me, in a way that I did not expect him to. It never occurred to me that PJ was gay. Was he? Did he like me? I have no clue.
Last night was such a train wreck. I focus hard, trying to remember anything involving Dan but it's a lost cause because I have no clue what I said or did with him. Five minutes later I reluctantly push Dan off me, standing up and making my way to the bathroom because I don't know for how much longer can I tolerate the churning in my stomach. It's the first time I have behaved so irrationally, so I have no idea what to do except lean over the toilet, waiting for my body to induce vomiting. When nothing happens, I just sigh, straightening my back and looking at myself in the large mirror. I look paler than usual, my eyes have bags underneath them but that's not what's concerning me.
What's bothering me are the reddish purple bruises peppered all over my neck down to my chest. I can feel my cheeks heating as I trace my fingers over the marks, surely caused by Dan, and take a deep breath. I try to pressure my mind again, trying to remember anything about what happened last night but I guess I was too wasted to keep track.
When I walk back inside the unfamiliar room, Dan is staring at the ceiling, running his hands through his messy hair. He looks divine, covered in the white sheets, his exposed tanned skin peeking over the covers and his eyes glinting from the massive amount of sunlight entering the room.
I just stand there awkwardly, pulling my pants up my hips to cover more of me and my eyes search for my shirt. I just want to get over with this back and forth bullshit. This is the last time I'm seeing Dan Howell's face and that's for damn sure. I need to stay away from him.
"Hey," Dan's voice is soft, but slightly gravelly and it just tugs at my heart. What the hell is this guy doing to me?
I choose to ignore his greeting, still looking for my shirt and that's when I hear him sigh deeply and the crumpling of sheets. It's not late when I find him on his feet, making his way to me slowly, and I don't know how to avoid the inevitable conversation.
"Phil," His hand is warm when touches my arm, and I involuntarily make eye contact with him. His eyes look so intense and consuming and there is just no way to look away from him.
"I'm sorry," He mumbles tiredly, letting go of my arm and scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.
"Really Dan? You're sorry?" I don't know what else to say as I push past him and grab my wrinkled shirt off the bed. I begin to put it on, before Dan interrupts me again.
"Look we need to talk about this alright?" He seems annoyed for some reason and because of that I am getting annoyed as well. Why the hell is he annoyed? It's all his fault.
"No, I don't want to talk about it. I have given you enough chances Dan, but you just go out of the way to hurt me. I am not up for your games okay? Just leave me alone!" I am tired of being trapped in this cycle with Dan. If I knew how this was going to be, I would never consider him as my friend or anything else for that matter.
"I said I am sorry Phil! I have no idea what to do, I haven't experienced this before!" He yells frustratedly, pushing against my bare chest and coming face to face with me.
Experienced what before?
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