Phil Lester
It has been a good week and a half since Dan and I have spoken, our last discussion consisting of me telling him that I want to do nothing with him and him telling me to just fuck off.
Things have been strange ever since then.
I would be lying if I didn't expect Dan to at least come and try to talk to me, or maybe even look at me once throughout the day but I had no such luck. He has been desperately trying to ignore me, and I hate to say this but he is succeeding.
I don't understand the distinct ache in my chest whenever I see him. Sure I like him–liked him a lot, and yes we had a few sexual encounters but I did want him to not bother me. And now that he is doing that, I just want him to pin me to the old lockers and kiss me.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Dan has been acting strange as well, not only with me but with every one. He is rude and irritable half the time, and I can't remember one day where he hasn't punched someone just because he can. He comes early to every class, occupying the back seat and seething at everyone who tries to take a seat next to him. He spits venom whenever he speaks and is hostile with the teachers and his appearance is shabby whenever he enters the uni.
His hair is no longer in the perfectly straightened fringe. They are messy and overgrown and semi-straight, falling carelessly over his forehead and his eyes have deep purple bags under them. His lips are always chapped and bitten and he always looks on the verge of either murdering someone, or crying, no in between.
And it's not like my life is perfect either.
PJ has also been acting weird lately. He does not stay the night at my house anymore and we just spend lesser time now. Most of my periods consist of sitting alone now while PJ banters with the guy from my drama class, Chris. They seem to get along pretty well but I can't help but be slightly jealous because I feel like PJ is replacing me.
I shake the thought out of my head and bite my lip, swirling different shades of green on the painting I was working on. It is kind of incomprehensible and I don't even know what I am doing. The teacher just said that it was a free period so you can do whatever you want, and there were no due projects that I have to work on so I just started painting randomly.
"You're late," The teacher states, causing a few students along with me to raise up their heads, and I raise my eyebrows once my eyes land on Dan, his fingers combing through his hair as he looks away from the teacher.
"Sorry," He mutters unapologetically and Mr. Porter only frowns, nodding in agreement. He is one of the sweetest and most understanding people in the school, so I didn't expect him to yell at Dan anyway.
"You haven't been attending art classes regularly, and you have a project due, is everything alright Daniel?" His voice is low and Dan's eyes shift around the room, as soon as they meet mine, he looks away.
"Everything is alright, I just need a few more days I'll complete it," Dan seems a lot less aggravated than he has been the past few days. He just looks..tired, now. Like he hasn't gotten enough sleep.
"Alright then, take a seat," Mr. Porter let's him go, and I tear my eyes away from him as he walks past me, taking a seat next to a blonde girl at the back.
The class goes by surprisingly fast, I haven't even finished the base layering of colours. I drop my brushes anyway, quickly packing in my stuff and picking up my easel to place it at the back of the class. When I turn around, Dan is already gone, and I sigh for no particular reason before tightening the straps of my bag around my shoulders and walking to my next class which is drama.
Our periods have been shuffling from the past few days and it's getting slightly annoying. I was used to drama being the last subject I had to study as it is the least stressful, but now I have psychology last which drains my brain by the time I get back home.
When I enter the class, Dan is sitting at his usual place at the back, and I contemplate slightly whether I want to make a conversation with him or not. It may seem petty, but I have missed him unnecessarily over the past week and I have no idea how to get him to talk to me.
Worst case scenario, he punches me and asks me to never speak to him again.
I don't have much to lose.
I walk over to him hesitantly, dropping my books gently on the table next to him, and he turns his head to look at me before he raises his eyebrows and his jaw clenches.
"What are you doing?" His tone is harsh, and I gulp inaudibly, not wanting for him to know how much he is really intimidating me.
"J-Just sitting,"
"There are plenty of seats in the front, why don't you sit there?" He rolls his eyes, leaning slightly in the opposite direction as if he's trying to get away from me, and I just shrug, sitting down and shifting my chair more towards his side purposely.
"Maybe I just want to sit with you,"
"Fuck off, Phil," He spits, grabbing his books and getting out of his chair, ready to walk away but before he can go I grab his arm, stopping him from going too far.
"Wait, I," I stutter, and he just stares at me with guarded eyes, an annoyed expression on his face. "Can we, Can I take you out tonight?" I sound ridiculous, and when his cheeks flush and he looks around, I know that he thinks I'm ridiculous as well.
"What the fuck," Is his only response before the class starts filling up, and he starts to walk off again but I'm not letting this go. I grip his arm tighter and stare up at him with a hopeful gaze.
"Please," I really am pathetic.
"I-I don't know, Phil, you're-you're being ridiculous and I want nothing to do with you," He says quickly before shaking off my grip and I just slump back in my seat in defeat.
I need to make this right.
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my fucking god its been more than 3 months since i updated this im so terribly sorry
