Every Little Reason | BTS

9 | Jungkook's Endeavor

I followed his instructions. As the time was ticking loudly in the silence, I could feel myself reaching the equilibrium point of my system, slowly recollecting all my calm. But even I had recovered, I stayed mum as I just stared blankly at my brother.

Jasper let out a smile at me when he noticed my heavy breathing had slowly turned into soft sighs right now. He did a quick scan on my figure to make sure that I was completely fine before he rounded around his desk and reached for his white coat on the wooden coat stand.

"What a lucky day today," Jasper smiled meaningfully at me as he casually slid the white coat onto his well-defined body. He had been working out a lot lately, I swear. And his work out buddy would be none other than Ray Carlton.

I perked up an eyebrow as a reply, couldn't really fathom where my brother was getting at.

"I'm lucky to have my stunning sister as my first patient today," he said with a mischievous smirk stretched on his lips. But his smirk did not hold long because it turned into a hearty laugh when he saw me rolling my eyes.

"Stop with the flattery, oppa. You just made me cringe really hard," I told him with a grimaced expression, but nonetheless, beaming him a sweet smile afterward.

That was the best thing that I loved about Kwon Jasper. Even though he just witnessed me faltered and crumbled into my worst state a moment ago, right now, he was just pretending that nothing had ever happened. I couldn't be any more thankful because that was the exact reaction that I desperately needed from people around me.

I wanted to be okay. I wanted people to think that I was okay. I wanted my inner-self to think that I was okay, physically and mentally. And that was all enough for me to continue breathing peacefully in this unpredictable kind of world.

"Oppa," I called my brother out as he looked through his appointments book.

Jasper flicked his warm gaze on me. When he saw my serious expression, he closed his book in no time, never bothered to check the other schedule as he looked like he only wanted to put all his full concentration on me.

Where did I get the name of Kwon Mia?

Who exactly am I?

Who were the boys?

All the questions queued up in my head, waiting to be put in a sentence and finally leave the rest of the job for my mouth to voice it out. But the longer I stared into Jasper's curious eyes, I just found myself holding back even more. I tightened my fists, trying to find the littlest courage in me, but I couldn't exert any.

Because if I asked those questions, it just proved that I had invested my time into thinking about what Taehyung had told me that day. Because those inquiries would mean that the boys were starting to put their effects on my emotions. And the most important of all, those questions would expose me to my old memories track, to the unbearable searing pain that I didn't think I could endure whenever I had flashbacks.

"It hurts," I only told him those two words as I smiled weakly at him.

Jasper jerked up from his leather chair and quickly reached for my hands in panic. "Where? Tell me. I'll send you—"

"My heart, oppa. It hurts a lot whenever I have flashbacks." I bit my lip as I tried to hold my tears back. I hated that I had been crying a lot ever since I met the boys.