i left my heart in my mind (ashton irwin a.u.)

woman

 "do you think i'm straight?"

luke looked up at me with an utter look of confusion, "are you fucking with me?"
"no, i'm being serious," i said, keeping my tone steady, "i haven't ever slept with a woman, so how do i know if i'm truly gay? maybe i only liked it because you were my first time."

"do you not like me?" he frowned, offended, "i swear to god if you're fucking with me i'll beat you up, i've got a hangover i don't wanna deal with bullshit."

"well, i assume i like you. you make me feel very happy, but is this really love and all that? maybe i'm truly supposed to be with a girl. i don't really know."
"do you want to dump me?" he frowned again. i think that looked would slowly become permanent.

"no, i'm just thinking out loud," he murmured. he was sitting on the bed, his legs stretched out, his back against the headboard. so, i rested my head on his lap, looking up at the pretty boy. maybe i was just as simple-minded as everyone else. maybe i liked him because he was such a pretty boy.

his dirty blonde hair had developed larger, long curls that cascaded off the top of his head. when i grew out my hair, i looked fucking homeless. he looks like a damn model. his blue eyes sparkled and he had beautiful skin with a slight tan. he always had this expression on his face that i assumed a model would wear. he was rich and pretty. how the hell does he do that?

"wow, so you doubt your love for me but then you stare at me like you want to devour me?" he scoffed, "seems a little unfair, baby."

it was okay to call me baby if he was always this nice.

"i'm sorry, but you're just beautiful, i can't help it," i pouted. i reached up and ran my fingertips along his jawline, feeling up the stubble that was poking out. normally he was clean shaven, but over this trip he didn't bother to shave. somehow he looked hot either way.

the sunlight had poked through the flimsy blinds, creating stripes on the walls. a black stripe covered luke's but i could still see the bright blueness of them. he shined no matter what, it was disgusting. the room was cramped like usual, but suddenly the small shimmer of light had made it seem more open. however, it also exposed all of our dirty clothes that cluttered the floor. we were both too lazy to ever do laundry or even clean up. we are the worst pair, how the hell would we expect to do housework later in life?

i surprised myself into thinking about a future with him. i had never done that before. i had barely looked a week ahead with him because he was always so unpredictable. i always assumed he would just disappear one day and that would be that. i would be alone again. but, it's been a while and he's still here. he'll eventually get lonely, but i was thankful to experience this happiness now, even if it came with distress

"i'm taking you on a surprise date, get up," he demanded, already starting to push me off his lap.

"i was finally letting you cuddle with me and you go and ruin it, your loss, babe," i rolled my eyes.

"you called me babe!" he squealed like a kid. he tackled me down to the bed again in a tight hug, "you really are in love with me!"

"stop jumping to conclusions!" i groaned, trying to shove the boy off of me. he quickly buried his face in my neck and left a small kiss before climbing off of me and then the bed, "now, let's wear something nice."
"we don't have something nice," i told him.

"well, i bet calum and michael do," he grinned and ran off to his friends' bedrooms. i sat back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. it looked the same from when i had sex.

"tada, dress shirts!" luke burst in, proudly holding up two dress shirts proudly. they both had weird patterns, but at least it was better than nothing.