i left my heart in my mind (ashton irwin a.u.)

ugh!

we traveled until around 7 that night since we had arrived in a city in illinois that some of luke' friends lived at. he assured me that it would be all fine and they would give us a place to stay for the night. i just went along with it, happy to be able to get out of this car.

    we drove into a small town that was filled with expensive homes. it wasn't much of a surprise that one of luke' friends were living in a house like this. once we were in the city it didn't take long for us to arrive in front of a big house that had a couple cars parked in front of it. the house illuminated against the dark sky, all lights inside were turned on and i could hear some music playing from inside. i frowned, "are they partying or something?" i asked luke. he kept his eyes on the road as he spoke, avoiding my gaze, "uh i don't know."

    i frowned, not trusting his judgement, but i just kept silent. he parked the car out front and got out, grabbing our duffel bags. once i was out he handed my bag to me. he led the way up to the front door and rang the doorbell. one of his friends answered and he definitely looked like one of luke' friends. he had perfect brown hair that was pushed back neatly. his clothing looked like they cost more than what i make in a month and he had this arrogant look on his face.

    "hey luke!" the boy greeted happily.

    "hey myles," luke smiled. he glanced over at me and spoke up, "this is ashton, my friend from home. is it still alright if we stay here tonight?"

    "yeah, if you don't mind some partying. we're having a few people over," myles told us. my heart sank at his words. i had assumed we were just gonna chill here and sleep, but no, there had to be some sort of partying involved. i should've known that luke would take me to a place like this. i was disappointed that i would have to be around all these people, but at least i had enough energy for this.

    "come on upstairs, i'll give you two somewhere to sleep tonight if you do," he said. he led us up the stairs and into a fancy guest room finished with a queen sized bed in the center.  luke happily walked in and dropped his bag onto the floor before jumping onto the bed. he fell back into the mattress with a satisfied sigh, "i've missed sleeping in a bed."

    "stop being so overdramatic, it's been less than two days," i chuckled as i watched him pretend to fall asleep.

    "i'll let you guys get settled," myles smiled and headed out, shutting the door behind him. as much as i hated to admit it, myles was really nice so far and not the douchebag i assumed him to be.

    "come get on, the bed is really nice!" luke beamed as he looked over at me. i tossed my bag aside and jumped onto the bed, falling into the mattress, "wow, you're right, it really is amazingly soft." i kicked off my shoes and got myself comfortable on the bed and luke found a spot right beside me.

    we sat in silence for a while before luke finally spoke up, "are you mad at me?"

    i frowned, "no, why would i be?"

    "they're throwing a party, i was supposed to get us a place where we could sleep," he softly said, sounding disappointed in himself.

    "well, it does kind of suck," i admitted, "but it's okay, this place is really nice. besides, i'm not that tired anyways. it'll be fine. i really appreciate you doing all this for me anyways, i'm thankful for anything you do."

    a smile spread across his lips, like he was proud of himself, "good, i'm glad... but is this whole no sleeping thing like one of your problems?" he tried to be careful with his words, but it only made the situation even stranger.

     i knew it was happening right when i saw mason. but whenever they do hit, i don't tell anyone because it's just embarrassing. admitting to someone that you aren't going to have control of your actions or emotions for a few days is humiliating and you know they'll treat you differently. luke did know what it was, but i hated how he would treat me more sensitively because of it. but at least he was being considerate rather than pushing me away.

    "i don't know," i mumbled, now picking at a loose thread on the comforter, "i guess so."

    "should we do something differently? anything to help you?" he asked, trying to be helpful.

    "no, i'm fine. it'll be fine."

    with that he let it go.

    we laid like that for a while, remaining silent. luke went on his phone and had started texting his many friends so i decided to message pandora. we had been messaging throughout this trip, but i had been trying to preserve data so we hadn't talked as much as usual. she was beginning to get suspicious, but i wasn't going to tell her what i was up to.

    i had thought about telling her early on, but i was worried she would say no. so i had decided it was best if i just surprised her and if she decided to reject me because of it, than that was it. the relationship would be over. i already knew where she lived so i was prepared to go and find her. we had talked about our homes and addresses before, but it was just playfully because we wanted to see how long it would take to come see one another. and what i have come to learn is that it takes a damn long time.

pandora: hey how's it going? you haven't been on much today :(

ashton: yeah, i know, sorry about that. just been kind of busy at work. there were more customers than i expected. so how was classes today?

pandora: not bad, i've just missed you though

ashton: babe, i'm sorry about that, but i'm here

pandora: i know, and i think you should have to make it up to me :)

    i immediately understood what she meant from that, and any other day i would say absolutely no since luke was here, but this time i was crazy enough to agree to it. so i messaged her back saying i would send her something.

    i snuck off to the bathroom connected to the room to send my girlfriend a video. it was a little bit embarrassing having to send her videos of myself masturbating instead of just being there with her to have sex, but hey, that issue would be solved soon.

    so yes, i ended up sending her that video which she was somehow was very pleased with, despite my awkward quiet moans, trying to hide it from my best friend who was right outside the door. any other day i wouldn't have done this, but at the moment my mind was a blur and all about taking risks.

    "really, ashton?" luke glanced up at me with a smirk on his face, which only caused my face to go bright red, "what? i didn't do anything," i tried to defend myself.

    "next time go a little farther than five feet away from me to jerk off," he chuckled, but then quickly looked down at his phone. that's when a look of disappointment crossed his face, but i just brushed it out without interrogating the poor guy.

    "i'm gonna get some rest before that whole party happens, wanna join?" luke offered. i smiled and nodded, quickly climbing onto the bed. we both got comfortable under the covers before luke fell asleep quickly. meanwhile, i was unable to sleep so i just kept texting pandora while i let luke be.