i left my heart in my mind (ashton irwin a.u.)

she's american

whenever i come off of that episode, i sleep for hours and i always end up having the weirdest dreams. this time my mind decided to remind me of my childhood, such a classic, terrible dream that my brain always like to throw at me during my sleep. the faint image of my birth parents were forced into my brain and i desperately would try to remember what they were actually like in my sleep. in the end, i would usually end up just getting this evil version of my parents that somehow abused me. but in reality they were just taken to child services because of the fact that they were abusing and selling drugs. never once did they hit me. yes, they neglected me sometimes, but in the end my mind distorted the past into this vision that i was nearly tortured by them. i hate looking back to see this delusional image of my parents in my mind that just wasn't correct and caused me to be scared of other parents. then, i would dream about foster care. yes, it sucked moving to different homes as a child because they were not able to handle your inability to function, but they never were mean to me. and once again i dreamt that i was mistreated by the people who tried to care for me. in the end, i just let my imagination bring me into states of depression.

my eyes fluttered open and i stared up at the ceiling for a while, debating whether i should move at all. once i finally was awake enough, i looked over at the clock to see that it was five in the afternoon. my eyes widened and i looked at the clock again just to make sure i was right. i quickly sat up, unsure of what to do in a situation like this. and where the hell was luke?

of course, when i sat up, i felt an explosion in my head, a sudden reminder of the awful hangover i was going to experience. a groan fell from my lips and i fell back into the pillows and ran my fingers through my hair, which i then realized was super greasy and tangled. with that, i made the executive decision to just go and taken a shower before trying to figure out where the hell my friend went.

i forced myself out of bed and trudged to the bathroom. once i was in, i quickly turned the water to a high setting and began to undress myself. i also managed to search through the cabinets for some pain reliever, which i thankfully found. i quickly swallowed down two pills with some tap water before stepping into the shower. the water probably came close to burning my skin, but it felt absolutely amazing to finally get clean. so, i spent a long time in the shower, cleaning every part of my body to just feel clean and like myself again. of course, the nausea brewing in my stomach didn't allow me to completely feel good again.

after that whole episode i had the previous night, i was pretty exhausted. once i get off one of those highs i just feel like i need to catch up on all the sleep i lost. honestly, it kind of sucks to come off from those highs, it's like you lose that small part of you that actually wants to get out and have a life. now, i was back to being myself and become incredibly cautious of everything around me. thankfully, this time i had luke to help me from completely hiding in my shell again.

after about thirty minutes, i forced myself out of the shower. well, mostly the nausea forced me to get out so i wouldn't end up puking in the poor guy's shower. i wrapped a towel around my lower half rather quickly before throwing open the toilet seat again to throw up. thankfully, that eased a lot of the nausea i was experiencing, but it never feels good to throw up remnants of last night.

i slipped out of the bathroom to go grab some clothes, but was confronted with luke once again. he bit down on his lip before flashing a smile, "oh hey, i'm glad you're up."

"yeah, i'm not exactly too happy to be up with this hangover, but it's fucking late so i'm glad i didn't sleep longer than this," i said. i made my way over to my duffel bag and pulled out some jeans and a sweatshirt.

"don't feel too bad, i was asleep until three, so i'm not much better," he laughed. he glanced at me again before awkwardly clearing his throat, "um, i'm gonna go get some food and bring you some up." he exited the room.