i left my heart in my mind (ashton irwin a.u.)

robbers

 i slept in luke's arms that night, feeling rather calm for once. right now, i just let myself be held and i let him care for me without worrying that there was some underlying motive behind luke's actions. right now, it was just us. and we liked each other, it was as simple as that.

and the next morning i woke up and i was still okay. so after both of us got ready for the day together, we slipped into the kitchen and ate cereal for breakfast. then, we went to the living room and sat on the couches together, watching some shitty game show on tv. we sat by each other, but i didn't touch him, worried that his friends would walk in and see us.

luke kept complaining about the show, even though i said nothing else would be on, but eventually i gave in to his complaining. and as i was about to grab the remote from the edge of the couch cushion, it fell off the edge and slipped underneath the couch. so naturally, i reached underneath and searched around with it underneath the couch with my hand. that's when i felt a baggy instead.

i ended up pulling out the remote and a big bag filled with white powder. i lifted the bag up and realized that i was staring at cocaine.

"luke what the fuck is this doing here?" he turned and saw me holding up a rather large bag of cocaine.
"u-um," his eyes were wide and he knew he was fucked, "ashton, please don't get mad."

"i want to know what the hell this is doing here," i demanded.

"uh, well it is drugs," he informed me, like i didn't already know, "cocaine to be exact."

"luke, don't fucking play with me now," i warned. my blood was boiling, "tell me why the hell there is a huge bag filled with cocaine under the couch."

i obviously already knew why. at that moment, i just needed luke to admit it to me or else i wouldn't know if i could trust him again. in this moment, i felt like this would clear up everything for me, even though it obviously would only lead to more unseen paths that i wouldn't want to tread down. but i still would try.

he let out a defeated sigh and spoke up for me, "michael and calum are drug dealers, major ones. that's why it's hidden under the couch."

"you knew, so why did you come here?" i asked seriously, "do you have any part in it."

"does it matter?" he asked, clearly not wanting to confess.

"yes."

"yeah, i help out," he said quietly.

"how do you help out?"

"i help transport cocaine that i buy over here so they can sell it for a higher price."

my heart dropped at that moment. i had thought that maybe he helped the hide it in their house, but i didn't think he would ever have a crucial role in the operation. and not only that, but it also meant he had been transporting cocaine for all these days that i was in the car with him. never once had i known that he even had it. and, if the police would've found out, we would've both gone to jail. he put both of us at risk just to transport a fucking drug that reminded me of my parents.

"i'm going to fucking kill you," i whispered.

his eyes widened at my words, "ashton, calm down, please, i'm sorry. please let's talk about this first."

"i had no fucking idea about all this, luke, and i'm sure you were never going to tell me," my voice was coming out as a growl, "you put my fucking life at risk transporting this stupid drug that ruins people. you fucking know that my mom and dad took drugs like this and you know how much that has fucked up my life but you still think it's fun to mess with drugs. this isn't some fucking game, luke!"

i was practically screaming at this point. i don't know if i had ever felt this angry before. emotions were just flowing from my mind into my mouth, pouring out like vomit.

"why the fuck am i here, luke?" his name was like poison, "why would you fucking bring me? am i here to protect you in some way or make you seem less targetable? i know i'm obviously not here because you're "in love with me". what's the fucking motive, luke? why did you fucking have to do this to me?"

hot tears rolled down my cheeks, stinging my skin. it wasn't like i was sobbing, they were just slipping out involuntarily.

"ashton, that isn't it!" he argued, "i love you and i wanted to come with you because i wanted you to get over that girl at be with me!"
"so what? was this some fucking pit stop along the way? you fucking planned this!" i yelled.

"yeah, i'll admit that i did plan this out, but i still do like you. please, don't be mad, let me explain," he begged.

"then go and explain," i managed to collect myself to say that, because i knew he wouldn't have a justifiable argument.

he took a deep breath, trying to get ahold of himself so he wouldn't sound crazy explaining himself, "i did plan on bringing the drugs here, but that doesn't mean i don't like you, i liked you all along, for years, like i had said. but, i was hoping go out here would cause you to rethink your whole dating scenario with that girl. i could tell you didn't really care about her, you had never planned on going to california unless i brought you with me. well, my plan did get a little fucked up when i confessed earlier. i was hoping that i would bring you to the girl and then you would realize you didn't like her and we'd live happily ever after at calum and michael's, where i could make money for us. but, you decided yourself that you didn't like her, so i assumed we would just go to calum and michael and i could continue my job so we could live like this."

"were you ever going to tell me?" i asked, dryly.

"i don't know," he softly said, his head hanging down like he was the one being hurt.

"you weren't, you fucking asshole," i snarled. i immediately headed to the door, my mind blocking out his cries for me to stay. i didn't grab anything as i walked out. i guess part of me was assuming i would turn back.