Let me love you (boyxboy) (Ziall)

Part 5

Niall's POV

"Zayn?" I mumbled.

"Niall? Hey!" Zayn said.

"Z, whats wrong?"

"Nothing!" Zayn shouted.

"Z, please tell me whats wrong. I dont like seeing you upset! I love you" I mumbled the last part but he still heard me.

"Ugh! Niall you freak! I could never love someone like you! You ugly, fat, pale FAG! Who could love someone like you?!" He sneered with disgust.

"Zayn I'm sorry!"

"Well its too late you faggot, you are going to get whats coming to you!"

Zayn shouted while he raised his tightly closed fist. I closed my eyes and waited for the punch...

I jolted awake, my top clinging to me, dripping of sweat. I wiped my forehead clean and memories of last night flooded through me from the boys arriving to the drunken perv at the night club to Zayn bringing me home. Zayn.

He will never love me. He would hate me if he knew i was gay. I rummaged through my side-table drawer and found my little friend thats always there for me.

I went into my bathroom, i locked the door and pulled out my friend. I stared at the razor for a minute while a whole lot of thoughts went through my mind.

Faggot! Worthless! Disgrace! Ugly! Fat! Hopeless! Useless! It just doesn't stop! None of it stops.

I dragged the already blood soaked razor across my wrists. I dragged it across my right arm again and again and again.

The was at least twelve new cuts up my arm, some overlapping with old ones. I did the same with my left but i still don't feel relieved of this pain. I dragged it across my thigh and i suddenly felt the relief i was looking for.

It felt so good.

I just wanted to stay here and cut over and over again. But i couldn't because i knew the boys were somewhere in my house or on their way here.

I turned on the shower and hoped it, i washed all the now dried blood away. The warm water stinging my newly made cuts.

I washed my hair real quick and jumped out wrapping a towel around my body. I don't ever wrap a towel around my waist.

I always wrap it around my entire body, like a girl would, if there is a chance of someone seeing me and there is right now because the boys are here.

I went into my room and pulled out my long sleeve grey top and sweat pants and some wooly socks. I changed and dried my hair of with my towel. I tried styling my hair to make an effort but i never get it right! Im such a failure at everything!

I went downstairs and into the kitchen to see Liam and Lou both eating some cereal. Liam and Lou looked up from the table both smiling at me. I tried my best to give them a full smile but too me it felt weak. Im positive i tricked them both because they continued eating.

I broke the silence.

"Wheres Zayn and Harry?" Louis' facial expression saddened while Liam spoke.

"Zayn went to the gym and Harry went home with some girl last night." Liam explained.

"Okay"

My hands were twitching and my stomach was in pain. I felt extremely sick so i grabbed a glass and filled it up with ice cold water and drunk it all then filled the glass up again and started to sip on it for a while.

I walked into the living room and rested on the couch while turning on the tv to fill the silence in the room.

Liam came into the living room soon after me and sat on the little coffe table in front me, blocking me from seeing the tv.