Turning The Straight Player Gay. (Book One.)

28

Damon's POV

~

I fucked a boy...

Those were the only words circulating in my mind as I went for a run the next morning. I had spent the entire night staring at the black room as Chris laid asleep on my chest. My mind became my battlefield and it made damn sure to fuck me up. I was disgusted with myself yet somehow I wasn't and it felt as though Chris completely turned my world upside down. I couldn't decide whether I was okay with it or not and since I can't remember the last time I went for a run, this would just have to suffice for me clearing my head.

The cloud overhead looked dangerously dark but I refused to stop running and soon, that very same cloud bank, burst. Deciding that getting wet then sick then consequently damaging my phone was a stupid plan, was the only thing stopping me from continuing and I ran into a barn as the showers intensified.

I had no clue where I was or how long I had been running so I just stripped off my jersey as I sat on hay. The barn was vacant and I stared up at the rotting ceiling before the ringing of my phone pulled me from the nightmare that was my thoughts.

"Hello?" I answered, too weary to check the name.

"Bro, what the fuck?!"

"Derek?" I asked as I shot up.

"Who the fuck else? Where are you man? Mom has been going nuts thinking you're dead or something. Did you not see my missed calls?"

"Shit man, sorry. I was... busy."

"Okay... when are you coming back?... are you coming for the holiday? It's almost Christmas."

"Am... I'll be there in a few days."

"You okay?"

"I will be... I gotta go-"

"D."

"I promise I'll talk to you when I get there. Later."

I hung up the phone before he had a chance to interrogate me and threw myself onto the bales of hay. My life is a mess.

I had no idea how I was going to explain to my best bud the fact that I thought I was gay or if I was even going to say anything and I really didn't want to think about the fact that my dick went up a dude's ass, even if that dude was Chris.

At that moment my stomach refused to hold its contents and I emptied it at the side of me. Two hours later and the rain finally decided to cease. My phone had been blowing up with calls from Chris but I ignored every single one. There was no way that I could face him. I knew I would have to soon, and as I banked the turn to his house and saw him and his gay ex, my feet slowed their actions.

"Oh my gosh where have you been?" He scolded as he ran to meet me and gave me a very public embrace.

"Sorry, went for a run."

"Are you okay? I thought you got lost. Erin and I was just about to go search for you."

"I'm fine Chris I just need a shower and a warm meal."

"Okay, I'll go get you something to eat."

He walks away from me, oblivious to my plight and I slowly followed behind as he fell into step with Erin. Some part of me hoped he didn't tell about what we did but that tiny part felt differently. No matter how many time he told me they were just friends, I couldn't trust the guy.

I took a quick shower and ate the late brunch Chris got me before reluctantly joining him on the sofa. His mom, Erin and aunt was with us and I tried to focus on the television but my mind kept going to Chris's foot that braced mine every time he spoke or moved.

"Are you okay?"

I snapped out of my thoughts to find Chris staring intently at me and the room vacant.

"Yeah."

"Are you sure? You look lost in thought."

I cleared my throat as he came a bit closer. "Am, actually I have to go."

"Oh..."

"Eric's mom is worried about me so I really need to get back before Christmas."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

I cleared my throat again as he looked at his hands before I got up and headed in the direction of his room. I had packed light since I didn't have much stuff and by the time Chris appeared at the door I was all set.

"Do you... do you have to go now?" He asked, voice barely a whisper.

"Chris..."

I sighed before I walked over to him and lifted his chin so we were eye to eye. "I really need to go."

The stray tear that fell from his eyes caused my chest to thighten painfully. I might not be gay and maybe I can't decide whether I hate what we did last night or just the idea, I still cared deeply for this emotionally damaged boy and hated the fact that I was now the cause of his tears. So, I did what only I could do.

I kissed him.

His lips trembled from our connection as he fought back the remaining tears and I pulled his body closer to me as I intensified it. Slowly he let go of himself and soon our tongues met and became one. In some twisted way this kiss meant so much more to the both of us and I really didn't know how to feel about it. Leading him on was one of the shittiest things I could do but how can I be gentle to someone who went through so much pain?

I tasted the saltiness of his tears and realized he had started crying and I knew that without trying, I'd somehow broken his heart.

"I'm sorry." I murmured.

We both knew that my apology was way more that just me having to leave him physically, but if I don't save myself now things could end way worse that it is in this moment.

"I know." He responded, his voice a tangled mess.

And with one final kiss, I grabbed my bag and walked away. No final glance back, no more first, last kiss.

This is how it has to be. This is how it must end. For me to protect him and to save myself.