avoiding time ; j.jk

yeolnet

Jieun's POV

It was currently first period and I was helping Mrs Kim mark the papers from yesterday. As I was about to grade a paper, my phone buzzed. I opened it, seeing that Guk sent me a snapchat.

I unlocked my phone and opened his snapchat. It was a picture of his math work and the words, 'heyy babe' with a heart emoji.

I replied back saying 'hey hottie' with the heart eyes.

We had a conversation for five minutes and then i told him I had to get back to grading the papers.

"Mrs K, what am i marking the papers on?" I asked, looking down at my own.

"So there is a point for each sentence and paragraph." She told me.

I nodded my head as she handed me another pile of papers and a red pen. I thanked her and she walked back to her desk.

I picked up the red pen and put a solid 30 on my paper before even reading it. I started grading more papers. 28, 30, 17, 25, 10. I stopped grading until I came across Jeongguk's paper. I sighed and placed my pen down.

'Somebody I care about and never want to lose? That's easy.

I love my family and I'm not worried about losing them, because I know they can get on without me.

But I'm worried about losing Jieun. I met her in your room Mrs K, i kissed her in your room.

She's perfect, different, unique, funny and I am so happy so moved here. Apart from the fact that I'm attached to her and she'll be the one thing I'll miss most when I'm gone, well her and my family.

I love her. She's the best thing that has ever happened to me and I honestly don't want to lose her.

She deserves more than me. She deserves a guy who hasn't been diagnosed with leukemia.

She deserves a guy who won't leave her without a warning. But she wants me, not some other guy. I try to push her away so I don't hurt her when I'm gone, but it's way too hard. I can't let her go.

And God is an asshat for giving her to me. I already knew that it was going to be hard to lose my family, but losing her aswell is just God doing evil. I knew i wasn't going to take treatment ever since I was diagnosed. My plan was to leave without people getting hurt.

But God decides to send her perfect ass to me and she has changed my life, in an incredible, and bad way.

I'm worried to lose her, she doesn't even have a clue. She's happy, and her happiness is my happiness.

I can't be taken from her, but there's no point in treatment. The doctors already said that i have less than a 50% chance of surviving, so what's the point.

I don't want to tell her. I don't want the words to fall from my mouth. I don't want her smile to fade, and to see her fake happiness. That's the only thing I don't want. I don't want to see any of it happen. I love her. And I'm both happy and mad that she came into my life.

Happy because she's one of a kind.

Mad because I am positive I'm going to lose her.

I love her'.

Damn you Jeon Jeongguk. What am I supposed to do now? I can't let my fake happiness get in the way of my real happiness. My real happiness is when I'm with him. I have to tell him. I have to make sure he's aware that I know about his cancer. He probably lies awake at night tugging at his hair because he doesn't know what to do. I have to tell him, but how?