Poetic Monaé • Tupac Shakur

Chapter 14

June 13th 1992:

|Monaé's P.O.V|

"Let me out" I pant trying to leave as pac stands at the door of his trailer, not letting me.

"No Somethings obviously botherin you, look your bleedin" he looks at my busted lip which i lick not remembering it had happened.

"Sit down....please. I'll let you go after" he pleaded in a softer voice, still annoyed I slowly walk to his couch and take a seat. I can't believe I had a fight infront of him...I always fuckin embarrass myself!. Still breathin heavy as a mother fucker I stare at the coffee table in silence, I heard the draws being open and closed but I never looked up.

"Babygir-" I cut him off not looking at him.

"Stop callin me that" I say almost unaudioble followed by a gulp, my throat was so dry from all that shoutin.

"Girl look at me" he said in a soft tone, coming close infront of me, gettin on his knee with a wet paper towel in his hand.

"I'm not a baby I can do it" I try and brush him off and grab the towel but he pulls it out of my reach.

"C'mon now, keep still" is all he says. he places his hand under my chin to hold my head in place. I freeze at his touch, his eyes focused on my lip as I sneak a gaze back at him, he dabs my lip so gently. His eyes flicker into my direction making me look away immediently.

"You wanna tell me what's wrong now?" He scrunches the bloody towel up and puts it on the coffee table

"I know I only just met you...but I wanna help babygirl, don't push me away..what exactly is botherin you" he lets out, I stare at him contemplating what my next move should be, he was right I guess...right now I was feelin hella venerable and needed to talk.

"...my homegirl, she gettin hurt...and I can't do shit about it!, females be trying me left right and centre no matter where I go!, that bullshit in the article about us!...my fuckin homeboy lost his life!!!......me not being able to..." I take a pause feelin my heart get heavy, only realising what I was saying...almost confessing it to myself.

"me not being able to understand..my own feelings..." I slowly spoke, my voice crackin toward the end, I already know I said too much...and its strange Coz I'm not much of a talker when it comes to my feelings, hence why I wrote poetry. This felt alienated to me.

"Shh shh, listen. You can't help everyone's problems, that's for them to fix...not you...when people try you?, don't get down on their level, let em hate coz you everything they wanna be... And listen to me when I say this baby" he held each of my arms and looked me dead in the eyes, I try to fight the tears threatening to spill. I don't ever cry? Why the fuck am I bouta cry now. I hate when shit builds up.

"...only pay attention to who you! are, and where you're! goin...pay attention to what's in here" he points at my heart, I blinked and a few tears left my eye. At this point I didn't care, nobodies ever given me more of a deep and real speech then this one...I needed to hear that.
I shook my head in understanding, trying to stop my lip from trembling. Pac didn't say another word, he just embraced me in a hug.

"And Don't ever!, let what any motha fucka has to say effect you" he kept his arms around me, it didn't feel like he was just sayin this for the sake of it...the fact he was so passionate when he spoke, made it more real. I couldn't help but let it all out as I sobbed into his shoulder.

"Keep yuh head up baby girl. Everythin will be just fine"

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|An hour later|

|Monaé's P.O.V|

"Look I'm sorry you had to see that...I didn't mean to ruin, whatever you had goin on" I sigh sitting beside pac, you know what's crazy, how easy it is to talk to him.

"Nah you didn't ruin nothin, groupies are a dim ah dozen" he shrugged, the room fell silent soon after.

"Listen pac...thank you...I just lost it today. The last thing I wanna do is burden you with my problems" I say lookin at the floor, almost ashamed he had to see me at my lowest.

"No girl, you're not burdening me...It's all good, we all lose it sometimes" he smiled warmly, he honestly didn't seem annoyed at all.

"I should go talk to Déja" I start to get up, for some reason he almost looked disappointed that I had to leave.

"Yeah you should" he smiled lightly, I gave him one back before he walked me to the door (that was literally seven steps away).

"So..ill see you around" I awkwardly stand close to his body, he opens the door. I ponder not sure if I should hug him or dap him..or just leave, he looked the same.

"Yeah" he smiled, I didn't think twice and stepped out of the trailer, I didn't wanna hug him Coz I hardly know him...I still can't believe I told him my busyness like an idiot, I was actin like I've known him for years!...but then again, shiet. It does feel like that.

"Remember what I said babygirl!" He called from the trailer. I can't lie I do love it when he says that.

"I will!" I shout back at him, shoving my hands in my pockets and walk away. I still can't believe it...smokes gone man, forever...like I ain't ever gon see that nigga again.

I jog back to my trailer in search of Déja.

"Déja!" I shout banging on the door, I left my keys when I walked out.

"You back from havin a tantru-what's wrong?" Déjas attitude changes when she sees my face, I just shake my head and walk up to her. She embraces me in a hug.

"Smokes gone Déja..."