Falling is the easy part (Camren)

30

Camila:

Lauren's eyes were holding mine in a way that no one else's ever had. It was weird. But a good kind of weird. Like the most intense, incredible type of weird I'd ever experienced. It wasn't like anything I'd ever experienced. Ever.

It's like she's looking right into me. And I know she's done that before, looked at me and tried to see right to my soul, but this is different. She's deciding something. Or she's waiting for something. There was something going on. Something big.

"I love you."

Oh okay then. It was definitely something big then. Something really big. I swallowed. Hard. The words seem to just hang between us, like time had stopped or something. They were the words. The big words. Well short words really, not big ones. Three little words. That's what people say right? In all those cheesy romantic films and tear-jerker type songs. Three tiny little words. But they're the big ones. The big ones.

She said them.

To me.

Those words. The words that mean so much. The words that hold so much faith and devotion and commitment. The words I've been needing to hear for so long. The words I've been wanting to hear for so long. The words I've been wanting to say for myself, but have been too scared to. No more running right? No more hiding.

Lauren said she loves me. Me? Me. Lauren loves me. She loves me.

I don't need to hide anymore. I have someone. Not just someone, better than just someone. No, the best kind of someone. The very best. The very best kind of someone says she loves me. Me!

Here she is, this gorgeous girl, looking down at me, watching me, waiting for me to say something back. It's like another world. Not the world I've become used to over the past three years. And if someone had told me, even just a matter of months ago, that I'd be here laying naked in another girl's bed listening to her tell me that she loves me, I'd have laughed in their face. Probably would have told them to do one or something too. I would never, not even for a split second have believed it.

But it's true. Here I am. Here she is. And she loves me.

And I love her. God do I love her.

I love her so much it scares me; completely and utterly terrifies me. Maybe that's why I'm hesitating? Maybe that's why I'm still laying here, looking into those perfect blue eyes struggling to even remember how to use my mouth? I'm Camila Cabello, I was the girl who doesn't do falling in love or relationships or any of that, but now, I am that girl. I've fallen in love, I'm in a relationship and all of that.

And that scares the freaking hell out of me. In so many ways I can't even begin to comprehend it. But I said no more running didn't I? No more hiding either. What was it I'd told myself yesterday when I'd been faced with Ally and Dinah and Normani, fight or flight. And since flight has been ruled out, I'm fighting. I'm facing the fear.

I can feel her hand on my stomach following the contours left by years of hard work. Her fingers soft against my skin, gentle, loving...

She loves me. She really does love me.

The last person to tell me that they loved me, other than those drunken ramblings of the girls at 4am as we stumble home, was my Grandma. Two and a half years ago. The night before she died. That was the last time I'd heard those words. Until now...

And this time is different. They mean something different. It's not a goodbye. Or a final say. It's not a grandmother reassuring her granddaughter that everything's going to be just fine.

This is one girl telling another that she's in love with her. Lauren is telling me that she's in love with me. That's what she's doing right? This is her saying that she wants us to be together. This is her saying that I'm going to be just fine because I've got her. I've got this amazing girl laying here with me, her warm body pressed against mine in the most awesome of ways and she loves me.