No Control

Through The Dark

So, this chapter is late and kind of crappy. I'm so sorry guys. It was a struggle. 😞

Trigger warning as well guys, so read carefully. ❤

Chapter 69:

HARRY

I was deathly nervous as we sat in the waiting room chairs. Therapy made me feel like there was truly something wrong with me- the one thing I always feared. I didn't want to admit that there could be anything wrong with me.

"Harry Styles." A lady called out, another family walking out after thanking her. I was nervous as I stood up, eyeing the brunette woman, but she seemed nice enough. She held a smile that wasn't fake in the slightest, but it held sympathy, which I didn't know if I liked or not. Did I enjoy that she wasn't a stone cold robot, or did I resent that she only saw pity for me?

I squeezed Louis' hand tightly, terrified that they may try to make him wait here while we spoke. I saw the therapist's eyes lock onto the tight hold I had on his arm, but I tried not to care. I just didn't want to lose him.

"Hello, my name is Dr. McKinney. You must be Harry." She said, flashing her smile my way and holding hed hand out for me to shake, which I did with my hand that wasn't currently gripping onto Louis.

"Yes. Yeah, I am. And thanks for seeing me today." I said, making her smile kindly at my politeness. Even if I didn't like the idea of this and felt completely out of place, I would try my best to be likable. It was all I had.

"It's no problem at all." She insisted before turning to look at Louis. "And you are?" She questioned.

"Louis Tomlinson. I'm Harry's fiancé." He informed, shaking her hand as well. "I called to set up the appointment. And, um, we wanted to know if I could sit in on the session. I wouldn't be a distraction." He said, pleading our case, and I was thankful when she accepted.

We followed her through the door, walking down a small hall before entering a room where there was a desk, four chairs, one sofa, and a clock on the wall, little plants in the corners of the room as decoration. It made everyting seem that much more real and intense, and I began to panic, but Louis kissed my forehead to calm me down.

"Have a seat anywhere you'd like." She said, and Louis led us to the sofa, probably knowing that I would want to be able to sit near him throughout this. It was a scary experience, and I could only imagine how Zayn felt sitting in a room like this apart from Liam. His first therapy appointment was yesterday.

"Okay," She said, grabbing a clipboard and sitting in a chaid across from us. "Here's how this will work. I'll just ask you questions, Harry, and you have to answer honestly. Some of them may be difficult, but nothing you say will be judged. Nothing will leave this room. And to top it all off, getting it out is better than holding it in." She said calmly. "Are you ready, dear?"

I nodded my head, awaiting the first question to come out of her mouth. I was quite nervous, and I was terrified. I didn't want to remember things. I didn't want to admit things to a stranger. Maybe I could pretend I was only talking to Louis.

"Can you describe how you feel? How you feel when things go wrong? When things may have started to make you feel that way?" She questioned, and I latched onto the last one. I knew where it all started, but I never wanted to admit it.

"Um... I don't... I mean... I just...." I stumbled over my words, already finding this so hard to do. I looked to Louis with panic in my eyes, and he offered me a small smile.

"It's alright, love. Take a deep breath, angel. Take a deep breath and answer. I'm right here. You can tell me anything." He said, and I nodded. I knew I could. I knew I could tell Louis these things because he would always be there for me through it all. He didn't judge me, and he loved me. I knew he loved me. I could feel it.