No Control

You're All I've Got

This chapter is a bit... insane.

Sorry guys, I would have updated two days ago, but I was dealing with some anxiety stuff. Got it done though! Here you go, and love you all ❤

Chapter 61:

LIAM

"Do you need anything?" I asked Zayn. He was laying on the bed almost motionless, a thoughtful look across his face. He's been lost in his own mind since we arrived home from the hospital. He's also been silent. I just wanted him to talk to me. To say something. Anything.

He shook his head, and I sighed, knowing my attempts were probably all futile. I turned around, about to leave the room and go sulk in the living room, but I heard Zayn faintly call my name, making me freeze. "Yeah?" I replied.

"Can you lay with me?" He requested, and I smiled slightly, nodding in acceptance. I walked over to the bed, picked up the covers and crawled in beside Zayn. He instantly scooted closer to me and wrapped his arms around my neck, hiding his face in my chest. "I don't want you to leave me." He murmured out.

"I won't. I'd never leave you. Not unless you wanted me to go." I spoke truthfully. Zayn meant everything and more to me. He was the love of my life, and I wish I could take all the pain he ever went through away from him, but I can't. I'm just one person, and I can't just free him of everything he's been through when it's so deeply etched into his brain.

I knew it still tormented him. His sister's death, not seeing his family or having any idea where they are anymore, the feeling of how peaceful it was when he was fighting for his life. I knew he still felt a bit empty inside, and it terrified me to know that, but I would do all I can to help him through it all.

"I don't. I'd never want you to go. You're all I want, Liam. I want you to know how much I love you." He said, and I smiled down at him, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"I already know, Zayn. And I also know you're afraid. You're scared for the future because hanging onto life wasn't your first choice. I know there is a part of you that still feels weighted down, depressed, guilty and worthless, but I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." I said.

We fell into a comfortable silence until Zayn spoke in a small voice. "The doctor recommended therapy. You know... for my thoughts."

He sounded so small and ashamed, and it was slowly breaking my heart. "Therapy?" I questioned, feeling him nod against my chest.

"Do you think I should do it?"

"I don't know, Z." I sighed, shifting my body position a bit. "That's up to you. It depends on whether you feel ready to talk to someone about it all. I'd support you no matter what."

Silence fell over us again, and it took me a second to realize that Zayn was crying. His body slightly shook, and I began to feel his tears wetting my t-shirt. I worriedly lifted his face up by his chin, looking at his heartbroken face, and swallowed thickly.

"What's wrong, love?" I pressed, desperate for answers.

"Am I crazy, Liam?" He cried.

"What? No!" I said, pulling him close to me again. I ran my fingers through his hair, knowing that calmed him down. I smiled a bit, also knowing that I was the only person allowed to mess with his hair because he was so keen on keeping it perfect. It didn't matter currently, or recently, but usually he would swat anybody else's hand away if he thought it was messing up.

"No. Of course not, baby. You've just been through a lot, and I honestly think talking to someone could do you some good. I'm always here for you, but maybe you'd rather talk to someone who has no inside view on subjects, someone who'll help to analyze everything you're feeling. Maybe it'd help to have more than one person know how you feel."