Fading Out (COMPLETED)

Chapter ten

I fuss over what to wear, I'm torn between the shabby clothes I grew up in or the nicer stuff I've bought since I moved, in the end I put on the clothes Beth gave me for my birthday. They remind me of her and that makes me happy, also they are expensive and fancy. They make me look better than I am and I want that fucker to think I'm doing great without him. I throw on my old black leather jacket and new black cowboy boots and I'm ready to leave.... leave for the prison or home, I haven't yet decided.
"Breakfast is here" Coop tells me standing in my doorway.
"Not hungry"
"Don't care" he walks out leaving me to follow.
His words are harsh but he actually looks like he's in a good mood considering, maybe he is, maybe he's looking forward to meeting his father. Hopefully his expectations are not too high, motherfucker only knows how to disappoint.
I pour out some coffee and look at the table, okay I'm hungry. I grab a seat opposite Coop and he loads a plate with fried eggs and sausage, bacon and fried potatoes. Dumping it in front of me he does the same with his, not saying a word.
"Cooper? He's an asshole, don't forget that" I say softly.
"I know" he nods.
"You know you get that pretty boy smile from him, he'll smile at you but he's still an asshole" I tell him.
"I know" he nods again.
"He's a liar" I breathe, I'm going to lose it if he opens his mouth.
"Okay" he nods.
"I might kill him" I warn.
"I won't let you" he looks me in the eye.
"I love you" I blurt, I didn't mean to say that.
Coop sighs and covers my hand with his on the table.
"You can say that, it's okay. I like that you do, I love you too" Coop smiles at me.
"He's a liar" I panic.
"You said that" Coop tells me and picks up his fork.
He gestures to mine and I pick it up.
"It's worth repeating"
"Eat" he orders and I obey.
I do that a lot, obey him. He always seems so much older than me, not old but more like I'm still a child and he is the father figure.
"You're going to be a great dad" I blurt again, fuck do I have verbal diarrhoea today?
"Maybe. I have to get the dad bit right before I can get the great. I'm really hoping all the trying we have to do is in the bedroom. Izzy hot in the sheets screaming my name, oh god you should feel the way her body just wraps around you. She's so tiny and taught but when she makes love there nothing as soft and silky as her warm body" Coop closes his eyes like he can see it and I see the photo of her naked body in my mind.
Way to rub it in my face man!
I remember back to when she clawed at my clothing, naked and writhing against me, she was so soft and sexy in my arms. I remember the feel of her swaying and grinding as she danced with me.
"Damn... the taste of her tongue in your mouth and the feel of her hands in your hair" I sigh remembering the way she kissed on my birthday. "Oh fuck sorry man!" I snap open my eyes realising I just said that out loud.
Coop's breathing changes but that's the only sign he heard what I said.
"I know you're going to be an awesome dad little brother, kids will love you" he smiles at me.
Okay. Where is my hulking, overprotective, cave man brother?
"I just have to get the woman bit, the marriage bit and the dad bit organised and I'm all set" I roll my eyes at him.
"You want that still? A pretty girl and a ring and a white dress? Babies and babies and more babies?" He asks running his tongue over his teeth?
"Want? Yes... expect, no. Life's never once provided what I've wanted and I've learned not to expect anything good" I shrug knowing Izzy will never marry me and never give me children.
"You never wanted a brother? A family?" Coop raises a brow.
"My whole life I wanted a big brother... I would sit in my room eating the half of yesterdays sandwich I saved for today dreaming about sitting at a table with big bowls of food and teasing laughing faces of my family like on the Brady bunch" I shrug.
"Do I disappoint you brother? Did you not have that Sunday night at Jace's?" Coop frowns.
"No, of course not... yeah I guess I did" I run a hand through my hair.
"I wish I could've been a big brother to you when we were little, I'm so sorry you were so alone but what you dreamed of you have now. You have me and you have your family, your wife and child will come. Waiting sucks but just keep waiting Cole, you'll see" Coop is certain of this and I hope for his sake he's wrong.
If he's right he'll lose his.