Fading Out (COMPLETED)

Chapter three

The wind is cool on my face and the classical music coming from the speakers makes my fuzzy mind whirl. Fuck I'm wasted. As if anyone cares I was forbidden to drive myself home, Izzy taking the keys to my kickass firebird.
"You better not puke in my truck" Jace grumbles beside me.
"I'm fine, this is nothing" I shrug.
"Cole, tell me truthfully.... you okay? Just between us, you can talk to me" Jace puts a strong hand on my shoulder.
"Sure why not? Life is sweet, everything is as it should be" I mumble out the window.
"That's why you get wasted every morning? That's why you drink before work?" He asks.
"I wasn't wasted yesterday" I frown.
"Really? You weren't smoking till six in the morning then screaming at eight?" He raises a brow at me.
"Are you my stalker now?" I look away out the window as the city passes in a blur.
"Yes, I can't get enough of you" he slaps the back of my head. "Every morning I can smell the weed you smoke as I pass to the gym, this morning when I was leaving you were screaming for Iz, screaming for your mother. Dude I can see something is wrong with you. Lizzy can see something is wrong with you, she cries for you, did you know that?"
"No. I'm sorry... I'll stay away from her from now on, I'm sorry" I say feeling like shit.
"That's not where I was going with that. Cole she loves you" he tells me frustrated.
"Sorry" I repeat.
"She's scared you will kill yourself" he sighs.
"Sorry" I repeat pushing my hands through my hair.
He looks at me for the longest time not saying anything.
"Lights green" I say not looking at him.
He sighs again and drives on in silence, I am sorry, sorry I don't have the words to make them feel better. I can't promise them a thing.

We pull up in his driveway and Coop pulls in ours beside us, Izzy behind him in my car. I get out and go to leave but Jace stops me holding me by the shoulder and chin so I'm looking into his face.
I know what he's looking for.
"Come inside with me, stay tonight? Jess has the spare room but you can bunk with me and my Angel, let her help you" he sounds like he's going to beg.
"I thought you told her no threesomes" I shrug him off and stumble towards the house.
"Coop!" Jace calls behind me but I don't stop to see what he's going to tell him.

I don't stop in the drive to wait for Cooper or Iz, I don't stop till I'm in my room and I grab a joint from my dresser and open the window. The air is bitter cold and I shiver as I pull off my shirt, shoes and socks but I climb out anyway, I stare up at the dark sky and light up.
Another rotation of the earth is complete, wasn't a bad day really. So why the fuck do I feel like this? My family think they love me, my band is coming together and I enjoy my job. Why would I chose oblivion over this? You need to stop the moping boy! I can't.

The darkness recedes as I take a large hit then I close my eyes shrouded in my cloud as I exhale.
There is a quiet and urgent knocking on my bedroom door and I laugh without humour, I clumsily climb through the window to answer it.
"What?!" I snap, if I'm going to relive this dream again I may as well play it out.
As expected Iz stands in my doorway looking worried and sad, glassy eyes and a crease between her brows.
"Izzy, what's wrong honey?" I amend because I hate the look on her face.
"You" she says biting her lip passing me into my room.
Fuck she smells good and I brush her hair to the side and press my face into her neck before she can turn around.
"What's wrong with me?" I whisper and move my hands down her arms.
She turns and looks into my eyes, her gaze roaming over my face, my lips.
"Cole" she breathes and I close my eyes for a second just savouring the sound on her lips.
"Iz?" I ask again.
"You're wasted" she whispers so close to my lips.
"Yes" I answer moving a piece of hair from her face.
"Are you okay?" She cups my cheek sounding like she's holding back a sob.
"No" I answer honestly since this is a dream after all.
Her face shows her pain and her guilt and her thumb strokes my cheekbone, instinctively I lean down and place a soft kiss on her lips. Her hands move to my bare chest and she pushes me backwards and I keep her with me as I step back to fall to the bed, pulling her into my lap and she whimpers. I smile and let my hands move under my brothers oversized tee shirt.
I frown.
"You're not supposed to be wearing panties?" I look at her confused.
"Is that right?" She bubbles out a short laugh before turning serious. "Cole, we can't do this" Iz pulls out of my arms and stands.
"Izzy?" My frown deepens and I shake my head.
"How do I make this better for you? What can I do?" She begs me with tears in her eyes.
"You were doing it, c'mere gorgeous" I reach for her again but she holds my hands.
"Cole, tell me you're not thinking anything stupid"
"Stupid like making love to my brothers wife or stupid like diving off the roof? Stupid like doing the last before the first? Or stupid like reliving this fucking nightmare over and fucking over again?" I pull at my hair in frustration, this is not how it goes.
"Oh Bug" Iz cries silently, a tear falling down her face.
My vision is spinning and I flop back onto the mattress holding my temples with a groan.
"I should have died in that car, we both should have died there" I whisper to myself. "Why didn't you kill us first you asshole? You couldn't even kill us right, fucking useless piece of shit" I take a large breath to steady myself.
"Coop's coming, he can help you" Iz whispers.
"Shh" I whisper. "I don't want him to kill you too" I say waiting for the water.
"Baby?" Coop's voice asks quietly.
"He's trashed. Jace was right, I think he's going to do something... something bad" she whispers.
"Do we call someone?"
"I don't know what to do" Izzy cries.
"Shh gorgeous, you don't cry for me okay. Coop.... you look after her" I tell them and I feel hot tears on my face.
"Last time, in Spain... baby you helped him. He needs you, help him" Coop tells her ignoring me the bastard.
"Cole? Do you want me to stay with you?" Soft fingers brush my brow and I hold them between my hands and kiss them softly.
"Do you want me to stay with you?" I counter.
"Of course I do, we love you. Let us help you" Iz sniffles and and lays her body next to mine.
"Mmm" I groan painfully "I hate how good you feel Isabel, I hate this" I tell her accusingly.
"Shhh, it's okay. Sing for me Bug" she whispers moving her fingers through my hair and I sigh.
I hear Coop slide down the wall and get comfortable on my floor.
"This is a weird ass dream" I mumble but roll into her warmth, pulling her knee between mine and kiss her forehead.
Holding her tight I start to sing for her because it's impossible not to give her what she wants.
"When you try your best but you don't succeed. When you get what you want but not what you need. When you feel so tired but you can't sleep, stuck in reverse" I sing quietly over her head and she sobs just once. Izzy's breath is warm as she opens her mouth and sings the next line
"When the tears come streaming down your face. When you lose something you can't replace. When you love someone but it goes to waste. Could it be worse?" Her low husky voice gives me a shiver and I hold her tighter.
"Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you" I sing then kiss her forehead.
"High up above or down below. When you're too in love to let it go, if you never try you'll never know, just what you're worth" Iz sings with tears in her voice.
"I promise I'll learn from my mistakes gorgeous, but not today.... I can't let it go" I soothe her caressing her hair.
"Cole, maybe you shouldn't go. Maybe you're not ready?" Iz rubs my back as she hugs me.
"Maybe I should, maybe I am? Maybe I need to do this for Coop, he does so much for me. He was going to let me fuck you, you... his world. He loves you so much and he was going to share you with me. Do you even understand?" I mumble sleepy.
"I understand, he loves you too Cole, so much. You mean so much to him, do you understand? It would kill him Bug" she kisses my chest.
"I was thinking, I think we were meant to be one person but this time we split into two? Next time we will be one and we won't have to share. I'm ready for next time Isabel. I'm so ready" I admit.
"And if we're wrong? If there is nothing after this life? I know your life is hard, I know you hurt. I know I hurt you. Cole don't leave me, I'll figure something out okay. We can make it work, I know we can. Are you willing to risk this life for another that may not happen? You tell me you love me... prove it. Keep fighting for me" she kisses my lips now and I feel the desperation in her kiss.
"I'll do anything for you" I smile just a little.
"Then sleep now Bug, I'm going to stay right here tonight" Iz tells me moving to cover us with the blankets.
"Coop?" I ask snuggling into her regardless.
"It's okay, I got you" she tells me folding her arms around me.
"You should blow him tomorrow or something, he's too good to us" I slur and I feel Iz laugh.
"I'm sure he'd like that" she kisses my forehead.
"Love you" I say without sound.
"Love you too Cole" Iz whispers before my mind clouds over.