i left my heart in my mind (ashton irwin a.u.)

talk!

waking up in luke' room was always terrifying to me. usually he was asleep on top of his bed, almost on the edge of falling off. i would be on the couch in his room, half covered by a blanket, freezing cold, but breaking out in a cold sweat from the weird dreams i had the previous night. he usually tried to get me to go to a party he had heard about and most of the time i just convinced him to stay at his place where we would drink beer (luke would smoke weed, too) until i would regret all i had drank. we would pass out and i would have nightmares and imagine the night in a totally different way than expected.

i slowly began to wake up, my eyes were heavy but i managed to pry them open and looked around the room, making sure that i was still in luke' room and not in some stranger's place, that was always my biggest fear. once i knew where i was, i looked down at my body and made sure i was okay. i finally stretched my arms and sat up, covering my body with the small blanket luke had given me. that didn't last for long because i just collapsed back onto the couch once i felt the aching headache in the back of my head. a groan slipped from my lips as i squeezed my eyes shut, trying to think of any way i could alleviate the hangover i had gained.

"shut the fuck up," luke complained. i glanced over and saw that luke was looking over at me through hooded eyes.

"you know i blame you for all this again," i told him.

"i know, you always do,' he mumbled, annoyed. he rolled over in bed and looked at the clock, "do you got work today?"

"yeah, at noon, what time is it now?"

"eleven, you got an hour."

"this'll be a shitty shift."

i forced myself off the couch, even though my body was aching. with heavy feet, i headed towards luke' bathroom, informing him how i was going to use his shower. he just grunted in reply. i slipped into the bathroom, closing the door behind me before switching the shower onto a very hot setting. i pushed the toilet seat open and pissed for nearly two minutes before stepping into the scalding shower, which was somehow soothing. i stood under the shower head for a good ten minutes before finally washing myself.

i hated hangovers. they're like the aching pain in your body that makes you both nauseous and incredibly annoyed at the same time. but i tried to ignore it as i prepared myself for work, but it was hard to prepare yourself for a twelve hour shift only working at minimum wage. well, it's not like i had anything else to do. i'm not in college yet and not sure if i ever will be. at the age of 19 i was confused by life and not sure if i would be able to lead a normal life and actually be successful. and, i wasn't even sure if i would be able to actually gain happiness from any normal life.

eventually, i stepped out of the shower and dried off, stepping back into luke' room with a towel wrapped around my waist.

"did i bring my work uniform last night?" i questioned as i searched around, one hand securing the towel.

he glanced up from his phone, pausing from a text he was typing, "yeah, it's on the chair," he pointed and went back to texting somebody.

"thanks," i murmured, grabbing the outfit before walking back to the bathroom. i quickly changed and looked myself in the mirror. as per usual, i looked distressed. my eyes had dark circles underneath them, making me look more tired than i actually was. my hair was a mess of sand-colored curls and my skin was dotted with acne. i had never thought of myself as attractive, but lately i had just began to look worse and worse, staying up later each night to talk to her and worrying what she thought of me, hundreds of miles away.

i walked out of the bathroom and saw that luke was still in his bed, glued to his phone. i grabbed the rest of my belongings, shoving my wallet and phone in my pocket, "i'll see you later," i murmured, as i headed towards the door.