A Newfound Home - Adopted by Josh Dun

Six

V I C T Ø R I A
I had been officially enrolled in school, and Josh celebrated by buying me a ton of school supplies and a phone.

He went a little crazy with the school supplies.

"I don't think I'm gonna need ten notebooks, Josh." I laughed while I went through everything he got me.

"You can never be too careful. Plus, there was a deal on them." He confessed and I playfully rolled my eyes.

"You are tiring, Joshua." He chuckled and ran his hands through his hair. That was something he did often.

In the past couple of weeks, I've been living here, I've noticed small details about Josh, like when he's focused, he'll gnaw on his top lip, or when he's frustrated, he'll crack his thumb knuckles.

He probably doesn't realize that I've noticed all of this about him.

"Now, let's figure out dinner. I don't feel like cooking so we could order some pizza, sushi, Chinese, or we could go out and eat."

I shrugged and grabbed all of my stuff.

"I'm gonna go take a shower and then I'll let you know." I went upstairs and put my things away.

Truth was, I wasn't hungry.

It's not that I didn't purposely starve myself, I grew to not have an appetite with how little we were fed at the orphanage.

Along with that, the food was simply horrendous.

I've had a couple of meals here and there, but Josh was so busy with everything that he never noticed I didn't eat.

I hopped into the shower and let the water hit me as I got lost in my thoughts.

It was still processing in my head that I was no longer an orphan.

Of course, my thoughts ran everywhere and went to the dark side of my brain.

It always happens when I'm stuck in my own head.

I glanced down at my arms and the scattered scars and cuts seemed to burn like a hot pan to the skin.

The guilt and sadness I got just looking at them overtook me.

I felt guilty that I let my mind win and ruin myself this way, and also felt guilty that Josh eventually had to deal with this.

I needed to punish myself.

I reached for my hoodie pocket and pulled out the small bag full of blades and grabbed one, staring at my reflection in the small, sharp piece of metal.

The pain didn't bother me anymore.

Each press, every slice, it was all numb.

The guilt was even heavier now, but it was done and my arms were all bloody and stinging from the water hitting the fresh wounds.

I rinsed the blade off and stuck it back into the bag and continued with my shower.

When I finished, I went back to my room and hid the bag.

Josh hollered for me, indicating he was waiting to hear what I wanted for dinner. I went downstairs and found him leaning against the stove, checking his phone.

"Alright, kid, tell me what food you are dying to eat?" I put my elbows on the counter and rested my chin on my fists.

He mentioned the options and I was going to lie and say I ate while he was out shopping, when I noticed a red spot on my grey hoodie.

My arm was still bleeding.

In the midst of panic that Josh was going to see it, an idea hatched.

"Actually," he looked up from his phone. "I'm not feeling the best and I'm just really tired. I think I'm going to go lay down." He couldn't get a word in before I rushed for the stairs and slammed my bedroom door shut.

I ripped the hoodie off and examined the spot.

Only one cut was open, so I didn't have too much to worry about.

I glanced over at the mirror hanging on my door and took a good look at myself.
I was a mess.

My hair was thin and still wet from my shower, and the color was starting to fade.

My arms looked like I got in a cage fight with a tiger and lost, and along with them and the rest of my body, I looked like The Other Mother from Coraline.

My ribs were sticking out and my limbs were basically sticks.
How did I let it get so bad?

I began to cry and fell to the floor in a heap, trying to silence my sobs. If my parents were still alive, they would be so disappointed in me.

I was such a spunky and happy child, and here I am at fifteen, destroying my body slowly, not even trying at this point.

My sobs were silenced by a knock on the door and I rushed for my hoodie, knocking a picture on my desk over in the process.

The picture fell to the floor with a crash and glass went everywhere.

It was the only picture I had of my parents and me.

Josh opened the door and found me on the floor, staring at the broken picture frame with teary eyes.

"Tori, what happened?" He knelt down beside me and took the picture from me. "It's okay. It's only the frame."

He handed it back and I opened up the back to remove the photo.

I tried to pull it up, resulting in it ripping.

"I can't even touch anything without destroying it!" I cried out and shoved my face in my hands. Josh put his hand on my back and rubbed it.

"No, you don't. I'm sure we can fix it," he took it from my lap to examine it. "If we tape it and copy it, I'm sure it'll be alright. Don't cry."

He pulled me into a hug and I froze.

I haven't had a hug in so long, I was so unfamiliar with the feeling.

It was so strange but so comforting.

I rested my head on his shoulder and let him embrace me.

The first time I truly felt safe.