No Control

There's Pain, Life Hurts

"Because he looks at you the way I look at your mum." He said, and I closed my eyes tightly, not wanting to be manipulated or get my hopes up. He promised he would save my mum. He broke that promise.

"Can we not talk about him?" I faintly whispered, and my dad sighed but agreed. He stood up, mentioning the cafeteria again before he walked out of the room, kissing my mum's hand before he left.

I checked my phone again, desperate for any message about Harry. I don't know what I would do if I lost two of my favorite people. I'd only have my dad left, and what would happen if he went away as well? The thought was too much to handle at the moment.

I heard the door open, and I assumed it was a nurse coming in to check on us again. They've been like that for the past few hours, as if they were just ready for her to die, and that made me completely furious.

"She's fine." I gritted out, hating how much it hurt to know that wasn't true. She wasn't fine. She was dying, and that scared me.

"But are you fine?" I froze at the voice, not wanting to turn around to face the grey-ish eyes that I loved so much.

"Please go away." I said, all of the confidence leaving my voice.

"Niall, I don't want to leave you all alone and broken up. I love you too much to do that, and even if you refuse to believe me, even if you never speak to me again, and I have to see you settle with somebody else-- fall in love with someone else-- I'll deal with it all, as long as you let me help you." He begged.

"Please don't tell me you love me." I whimpered, letting go of my mum's hand and standing up, turning to face him, and seeing him made everything worse, yet made my heart thump faster, craving to be near him.

"There is nobody else." I cried. "You fucking took my heart and I have no idea how to get it back because I'm so fucking in love with you!" Tears flowed freely, but he never made a move to step closer-- I didn't want him to.

"And I hate you for it." I seethed through my tears. "I hate the way you manipulated me. You made me think everything would be okay, but nothing is okay. Do you even know how used I feel? Like you were only trying to divert my attention. You pulled me away from my mum when she needed me most. My dad, too. You were my first, Erik. I trusted you enough to give you that. You made me fall mire than anybody else has, and I despise that fact."

"Niall, I never meant to hurt you or give you false hope about your mum. I tried to be as straight-forward and factual as possible when it came to my job. I separated that for you. Job and home life. Everything I told you, everything I did to show you how much you mean to me, that was all real. You have no idea how in love with you I am, Niall. And I will say it because it's all that goes through my mind every single second of everyday. You're my distraction, my weakness, but I love it so damn much." He said, finally taking steps closer, and I wanted to back away, but my feet seemed stuck in place.

"Your mum would want you happy." He added, and I shook my head.

"You don't know what my mum would want. You don't even know what you want." I said, trying to verbally push him away.

"I want you." He confessed, and I didn't think before replying.

"Well, I don't want you!" I yelled out, regretting the words as soon as Erik's face turned so hurt, and it was then that I noticed how tired and cried out he looked. He perfectly mirrored the broken imagine I resembled.

Then, a sound filled the room-- one continuous beep.

I don't even remember what happened next, but nurses were rushing in, checking her pulse, trying to save my mum in any way they could, but I knew they couldn't save her.