dyad | ᵇᵒᵒᵏ ᵒⁿᵉ

¹² ⁻ ʳᵉˢᵗ ᵘᵖ.

                                               ¹² ⁻ ʳᵉˢᵗ ᵘᵖ.

                   "One day, you're going to know how much I love you."

❀

I had talked to her, without stuttering. I had succeeded. For once, I didn't make a complete ass of myself in front of her. Yesterday was honestly the best time I've had in a while. I felt like..I was talking to the real her. I felt like I had learned so much about her, and that was fantastic. But..I couldn't get over the hurt in her eyes. Maybe I had never noticed it before, but in her eyes, I could see that she was hiding something. I wouldn't pressure her on it, but I wondered..what or who hurt her so much? I could tell that she was having some trouble answering the questions yesterday, but who wouldn't? 

But it was weird, she wasn't in school today. Had she gotten home okay? I wonder if something terrible happened to her..I knew I should've insisted on driving her home. But she must've gotten home alright, because Joshua was in school. I wanted to ask him about her, but it seemed like he was busy. He was probably getting Monroe's work for her. I felt a little lonely, though. Since she wasn't here, I had to eat lunch with my regular friends, who were starting to be such boring people. They weren't interesting, like Monroe. All they wanted to talk about was girls and other irrelevant things I didn't care to pay any attention to. 

"Finally, you decide to join us," Ray smiled, watching me as I sat down at the table across from him. I rolled my eyes, sighing. Ray's been one of my closest friends, since elementary school. He's always been the "pretty boy", because of his long hair and baby face. Sometimes he wore his hair in two braids, but today it was down and it. It kind of reminded me of a lion's mane. I was started to think that he was going crazy, because he was going around everywhere talking about how "apex" he is. Plus, he was always wearing these extra long shirts, like he was trying to time travel back to 2006. I cracked jokes on him every once in a while, but he was completely serious about what he was doing. He wanted to have a successful clothing line. 

Picking at my food, I listened to him, and my other friend Ryan go on about whatever. I was really just daydreaming about Monroe. There was a breeze today, and I imagined her curls being blown into her face. I would move them away from her beautiful features, and she would giggle and smile at me. It was habit I had; I didn't want anything hiding her beauty. Staring out into the courtyard, everyone was in their little groups, talking and playing. My eyes wandered past Monroe's tree, and to the door of the cafeteria. 

I noticed a familiar face emerge from the doors, and I sat up. 

Joshua.

He looked around a few times, and I wondered if he was looking for me. He was holding a small stack of papers, and I decided to go ahead and call his name. "Joshua!" He flinched, and looked towards me, beginning to walk over to the table. Ray and Ryan watched him, and Ryan rose his eyebrows at him. "Hey Joshua, what are you doing out here?" I asked him, scooting over so he could slide in to the bench next to me. He pointed to the papers in his hand, and I nodded. "What's wrong with you, man?" Ryan asked him. Joshua raised his eyebrow, and looked at me. "He doesn't speak much, Ry.." I rolled my eyes. Ryan kissed his teeth, "And? He better speak some words to me."

"Don't you hang around that girl..what's her name.."

"Monroe," I said. 

"Yeah, her!" Ray smirked, looking at me. "You tell her how you feel yet, Jo? You tell her that you want those panties?" I tensed. I could feel Joshua staring at me, and I didn't have to look at him to know that he wasn't impressed by what Ray said. "Rayan.." I mumbled. "What? It's just between us four, right?" Rayan had absolutely no clue what he was getting himself into. Joshua was very protective of Monroe. I was sure that h would snap someone's neck for just looking at her wrong. Ray didn't understand how I felt about her.

She wasn't just some fling. 

I wanted her to be my all, and to be my everything. 

I just wish I had enough courage to say that out loud and not just in my head..

"Ray, you don't have to continue this..it's just nonsense.."

"Nonsense? Nigga, I see the way you stare at her. It's like you're undressing her with your mind." I could feel myself start to heat up, and I wa sure that my cheeks turned red. Never once have I thought of her like that..she was like a delicate, beautiful flower to me. I mean, I've found myself staring the curve of her waist and hips, but I've never saw her as a piece of meat.. I worked up the nerve to look at Joshua, and his eyes were closed. I could see the muscles in his arms tense, so that couldn't be a good thing. "Aww come on, Jo," Ryan nudged me, "you can't lie and say that you've never looked at her that-"

"Say something else, nigga. I'll rip your throat out."

I bit my lip, resting back. Joshua was looking at Ryan, his eyes narrowed. His fist was balled up, and I could see Ryan swallow hard. This was very first time hearing Joshua speak, and for someone who doesn't say much, he had a deep, kind of rough voice. Like he woke up tired every day. But his words were hostile, and I could visually see that they made Ryan nervous. Joshua stood up, his eyes still on him. "Keep your mouth shut about her. Monroe ain't one of these little sluts y'all run these trains on." 

He began to walk away, just as the bell rang. Joshua looked at me over his shoulder, and shook his head. I looked at Ryan and Rayan, getting up to throw my half-eaten food away. "From now on, just don't say shit about Monroe." I walked away from them, stopping by my locker to grab my things for Calculus. I couldn't get over the look Joshua gave me though..Rayan and Ryan really fucked this up. I hope he doesn't go and tell her, I hope he doesn't believe it himself. I would never see Monroe like that..she isn't trash. 

Walking down the hall, I headed in class, taking my seat at the back. I watched as other kids filled the room, taking their seats. I tapped my pen against my desk, unable to really concentrate during Mr. Ridge's lesson. I kept tapping my foot nervously glancing back and forth the clock. I was worried, nervous. I couldn't have Joshua thinking that I saw Monroe that way. It was unacceptable. And if he told her..that could be the end of our friendship, and I don't want that. Monroe was practically like Joshua's little sister, it wasn't hard to tell that their bond was strong. I just didn't want Monroe thinking I see her that way..

In the next period, I tried to talk to Joshua before class started, but he was too busy talking to Mrs. Thompson about Monroe's work. During class, it was exactly the same. I couldn't focus. My chest felt like they were on fire. what was I going to say to him? How much would I have to explain myself? I just wanted Joshua to know that I wasn't going to disrespect Monroe. I thought so highly of her, and I didn't want him to think that I was just going to use her.. Once again, I was tapping my foot, ever so nervous. If that had a nervous meter, I'm sure that I'd be off the charts. 

The final bell of the day rang, and I literally sprang out of my seat, following after Joshua. He was going out the back of the school, and I called his name once we were in the parking lot. 

"Joshua!"

He stopped walking, slowly turning around. His jaw was clenched, and he didn't look quite too happy to see me. "I just want to apologize for what my friends said..they're idiots. Don't listen to them, none of what they said about Monroe is true. I don't see her like that. We're friends and I.." looking at Joshua, I trailed off. He was stepping closer to me, and I picked back up where I left off. 

"I promise..I don't want to get her into bed..I just..I'm really a nice guy and I'm rambling, huh?"

He simply nodded. 

I looked down at the ground, kicking my foot slightly. I heard him take a deep breath, and I did the same. 

"Don't let me catch you talking to her, anymore."

My mouth dropped, and I watched him turn away from me, going off into the woods.