Girl of Never : Days to Love (Chat MD Series #4)

Day 143 : Drunk and sober

Drunk and Sober
-----

Tunaw na ang ice cream sa plastic bag na bitbit ko nang sumakay ako ng taxi papunta kay Harry. I was trying to reason with myself why I'm going to him again—it's Christmas, the option to celebrate by myself was gone, and I had nowhere to go. Totoo lahat 'yun. Pero alam ko ring pwede akong magpaumaga sa labas ng bahay, tumambay sa coffee shop, o magpunta sa mga bar.

I know that I'm going to him again because I can't help it. Kung siya ang magiging option na takbuhan sa lahat ng sitwasyon na papasukan ko, I would run to him. Kahit kapag ganitong pagod ako at tingin ko, hindi ko kakayaning masaktan.

Pagbaba ko sa taxi, matagal akong tumitig sa doorbell bago mag-ring.

Walang sumagot.

I tried a couple of times with no one answering. Maybe he's out. Wrong timing na naman siguro ako.

Sumandal ako sa haligi ng doorbell at naghintay. Malamig ang semento. Inayos ko sa katawan ko ang jacket ni Harry na suot ko.

Should I wait for him? Should I go?

It's more reasonable to go, right? Bakit gusto kong maghintay?

I stayed for a few minutes before deciding to go. Magpapalipas na lang ako ng oras saanmang 24-hour store or establishment. May cash naman ako.

Nakailang hakbang na ako palayo sa bahay nang may bumusina. Nalingunan ko ang kotse ni Harry.

I watched his headlights blinked. Lumabas si Harry mula sa kotse, kunot ang noo sa'kin. Lumapit.

"Sa'n ka pupunta?" he asked. "Kanina ka pa?"

I don't know whether to feel damned or relieved. Inabutan niya 'ko. I thought, I was going to spend Christmas Eve alone, in the middle of nowhere.

"Hey," untag niya sa'kin nang lubusang makalapit. His face softened. "Are you okay?"

I sighed. I'm not okay. I wanted to hold unto him and cry but I don't know how.

"Ano'ng dala mo?" he asked.

"Tunaw na ice cream. I was..." I said when I found my voice, looking for words to articulate what happened, "buying Christmas Eve food from the convenience store. Pagbalik ko ng bahay, he's there waiting. I don't want to talk to him so I didn't go in. I don't know where to go. So, I... No one's available so I..."—bumuntonghininga ako at tumingin nang diretso sa mga mata niya—"I mean..."

"Let's get inside the house," maamong sabi niya sa'kin. Kinuha niya sa kamay ko ang plastik bago ako kaswal na hawakan sa palapulsuhan. "You look tired."

"I am," sabi ko habang hila niya sa paglakad.

Namulsa siya sa walking short niya pagtapat ng bahay at kinuha ang remote. He pressed on it. Bumukas ang gate.

Inihatid niya ako sa pinto bago niya binalikan ang kotse niya sa labas. Then, we walked inside the house.

I sighed. Nandito ako sa bahay niya at wala akong nabitbit na Christmas spirit.

His house was as I left it—tidy and void of the holiday.

Tumikhim siya. "Uh... what do you want to do?"

"Sa'n ka galing?" tanong ko sa kanya.

"Just driving around."

Nakatingin ako sa mukha niya. "Sa gitna ng traffic?"

He blinked. "Nasa malapit lang ako."

Tumango na lang ako.

"Kumain ka na?" he asked.