Chapter 19: No longer a boy.

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Chapter 19

“Are we even allowed up here?” Kyle asked in awe as we took in the view.  I’d never imagined a place like this would have had such an amazing view. We could see the entire prison grounds...extensive as it was.

I looked beyond the far walls and could even catch a glimpse of the city beyond, where people roamed free; where I used to roam free.

Wow

I huddled closer to Kyle trying to shield myself from the biting wind.

“It’s fine. It’s prisoners who clean up here anyway.” Guard Kelly announced, surveying the small balcony briefly before turning back to us.

“I like coming up here to think, clear my mind you know…figured you two could use a place like this sometimes.”

I gaped at him, “You mean we can come up here whenever we want?”

He chuckled. “Maybe not whenever you want, but if you’re having a particularly bad day, lemme know and I’ll see what I can do.” I offered.

“I just don’t get why you’re being so nice to me…even that day in my cell…guards don’t do stuff like this.” My brows furrowed as I looked up at him, watching his gentle eyes.

“Like I said…you remind me of my son.” Was all he said before turning back to enjoy the view.

Kyle didn’t say much but continued to take in as much as he could…to lock the memory away for later I presumed.

“So you two want to tell me what’s going on that had you wanting to rush back to the cell block?”

I shrugged, then sighed but didn’t turn to face him. “Nothin really, just wanted to get away from it all for a few minutes. I’m sick of all the drama and the secrets and this place…” I trailed off, thoughts from earlier circulating and ruining my newfound good mood.

Guard Kelly was silent for a while as I stewed, then I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder, “Well if you ever need to talk don’t be a stranger…both of you.” He finished, extending his invite to Kyle who nodded along with me.

“The guys will come around, just give them time.” Kyle spoke up then and I shook my head.

“It’s been months Kyle, they’ll never change and really I don’t care, I just…Nathan shouldn’t…” I swallowed against the lump in my throat and I felt the ache in my chest as the hurt washed over me. “He just sat there and lied right to my face…after everything we’ve been through…everything we have and he just didn’t care….”

Guard Kelly had crossed to the far end of the balcony, allowing us our privacy and Kyle moved closer, taking my hand and squeezing.

“Everybody lies sometimes Riley.” He began, “and I’m not saying what he did was acceptable but everyone knows Nate cares for you…you’re the only one who can’t see it…but he really does and if he lied then I’m sure he had a good reason.” He explained and it didn’t make me feel any better but I nodded anyway and he smiled.

The feeling was stupid though. Nate didn’t owe me anything…we were just fuck buddies...like he’d said from the very beginning. I’d been the fool who wanted it to progress, the fool who’d gone into it with expectations and all that bulll.

Nate didn’t owe me anything, we weren’t a couple and maybe it was time I learned that. Maybe it was time to start acting the part. Just sex right? Just two cell mates in need of release…absolutely nothing more.

I accepted my role then as I continued to take in the view, but I still felt as though someone had ripped away the happy parts of me and left me aching and hollow.

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