Together Forever is the best way! (sequel to The start of forever)

The memorial

I got up at about 7am. Peyton was still asleep and we figured now was a good time to get this over with without her seeing us upset. I went and changed into a black dress and braided my hair. My mom had texted me, asking if she could be a part of this, since it is her grandchild. I agreed and asked her to come over at 7:30 this morning. A mother should never have to bury there child. If it wasn't for the two babies still inside of me, I would be hysterically crying right now. But I don't need to have another miscarriage. I can't go through that again.

Rob had dug a hole in the garden and made a makeshift cross until we could get a plaque ordered.

Doorbell rings

I went over and answered it. My mom came in immediately hugging me.

"Oh hun I'm so sorry."

"Thank you. I had a feeling I was going to lose one of them..but still it hurts."

"I know hun. How are you feeling?"

"Physically I'm exhausted and I'm kinda still in pain. Mentally I have so many emotions going through me right now I don't even know what I'm feeling."

"Your numb right now. The reality hasn't set in yet."

"Yeah I guess your right. Thank you for coming this early. We wanted to get the memorial done before Peyton got up. She doesn't need to see us upset."

"No she doesn't. She's too young to understand and will feed off your emotions. If she sees your upset she will be too."

"Yeah." I went back to bedroom and grabbed Ashton off the nightstand. Clutching the box in my hand as I went downstairs. It was getting harder and harder to hold back the tears. Rob could see I was about to break down and came over and put his arms around me. This wasnt fair. I shouldn't have to say goodbye to my child before he had a chance to live.

"Let's get this over with please." I whispered to Rob who nodded in agreement

We headed out to the garden. We reached the grave side where I just stood staring at it and then back down to the box in my hand. Tears coming my eyes as the reality set in. Rob came up behind me letting me break down on him. I was glad I didn't wear makeup.

"Do you want to do the honors  Kris?" He asked me. I nodded.

I got down on my knees and gently put the box into the grave. Whispering goodbye as I threw a handful of dirt in there. My mom and Rob did the same.

"Is there anything you want to say Kristen?"

I stood back up and looked at him and then back at the tiny grave my son was buried in.

"I love you so much...I'm so sorry you didn't get a chance in this world. I promise you mommy will never forget you and your siblings will know about you." My voice was cracking big time. "Till we meet again....love you baby...now and forever." I broke down more than i have so far. I started hyperventilating. My mom held me as I cried into her shoulder.

"I'm going back Into the house. I can't be here for this part."

"I agree" my mom said. Rob came over hugging me and kissing me.

"I love you hun. I'll see you inside ok.."

"Yeah." I managed to get out. My mom put her arm around me and we headed back into the house. We heard crying over the monitor.

"I'll get her" my mom said. Knowing I was in no condition. I went over and sat on the couch as my mom went upstairs and got Peyton. I placed my hand on my stomach. Knowing that there are still two babies inside of me, is the only reason I haven't completely shut down. They need me and I need them. Especially now.

Mom came back down with Peyton on her hip. I smiled at her.

"Momma!!" She squealed..

"Hi baby." I said to her as I took her from my mom. I took her over to her highchair and got her some breakfast. Rob came back in and wrapped his arms around my waist as I was making pancakes for everyone.

"Are you ok?" He whispered in my ear.

I glanced up at him. "For now yes, can we talk later about this ok? Now's not the time and I would rather not break down right now."

"Yeah."

"How are you?"

"I'm more worried about you."

"I know you are, but your feelings are just as important. He was yours too...."

"Thank you." He breathed into my ear. "Maybe your mom can watch Peyton for a little while so we can talk."

"Yeah...after breakfast?"

"Sounds good."

I finished making the pancakes. Rob came over and got my himself and my mom a plate and I grabbed mine since I was already over there. We ate together and in silence. When we were done I got Peyton out of the highchair and sat her in the play pen. And went and found my mom

"Hey mom, could you watch Peyton for a little bit. Rob and I need to go upstairs and talk."

"Yes of course."

She nodded her head knowing what it partains to.

Rob and I headed upstairs. We went into the bedroom and as soon as he shut the door, I broke down. He pulled me into him as I cried into his shoulder.

"Just let it out love," he whispered into my ear.

"This is just so hard. It's not fair."

"No it's not. You have to be strong, for Peyton and these babies."

"I know. that's why I haven't completely lost it. But I don't know if i can hold back much longer. I guess I should have seen this coming, when we found out we were having three."

"There was no way to know at that point. Stop blaming yourself."

"Your right. I'm going to call Christina really quick. I'm suppose to be filming today but I honestly don't think I'm going to be much use you to them." I nervously giggled.

"No you won't be. I'll step out and give you some privacy."

"Rob, you never did answer me. How are you?"

"I'm hanging in there. It hurts but I'm pretty sure your hurting more. I'll see you downstairs."

"Ok. I love you..."

"I love you too."