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Chapter 46: Cale

I hurry out, two bottles of alcohol in my hands, as I sit at my usual spot to think. I look down at the town below me as I slowly rid my bottle of the drink inside it.

When's the last time I got drunk?

The familiar taste of alcohol going down my throat brings back many memories that I'd rather forget but I know very well that I prefer the after-feeling, so I continue until I get to that point.

My mind sparks moments that I spent trying to dissolve elsewhere, moments with Daisy, moments with my mother.

My mother told me she basically got rid of Daisy because she wanted me all to herself. Selfish as per usual. Everything is always about her. What I want or need never seems to matter to her. She always gets her way.

Maybe it was wrong to tell her about Maya. Maybe me and Maya were never meant to be because of this.

My mind can't stop drifting to Daisy. What if she hadn't left? What if my mother never about her and never did anything. Would I still be with her? Would I be kissing her lips instead of the opening of this bottle as I take down another chuck?

In mere minutes, I picture Daisy dancing ridiculously to a song that was playing from my speakers, before walking towards me seductively and wrapping her arms around me. I could picture her long blonde hair over her bare pale shoulders as she smiled at me. I could remember the feeling of her lips, of her touch, and it was driving me insane.

Thinking about it makes me those same emotions from back then when I tried so desperately to erase them. I tried so hard, and yet everything came back in a heartbeat. It's like all that effort was for nothing.

I want her, I want Daisy to soothe me the way she did before. I want to feel her bare skin against mine, hugging me tightly, reassuring me that I was loved. I want all of her.

The alcohol does this thing to me that nothing else does. It relaxes me, relieves me of my ever-growing tension, of my desperate past, of all irrelevant things.

Then Maya pops into my mind once again. Her short silver hair, her small pink lips, her body in a bikini, the face she gives me whenever she wants to cheer me up. Then there's that feeling I got when our lips connected and I felt like something went right in my life for the first time.

Maybe I used Daisy to release all my stress. Maybe I loved her. I don't even know anymore.

What do I want?

What do I need?

Who do I care about more?

Nothing's working right in this damn mind of mine. Can't I just disappear? I wish I could simply continue what I had with Maya as if I never learned what I did about Daisy, but I can't. I can't and that's what scares me.

I can't just blindly pick.

I need to choose.

I take one last look at the moon and the stars hoping they have an answer awaiting me, but they don't. The stars don't speak.

I lay myself down on the grass, letting all my thoughts run free as I think about what I should do.

I need to choose.

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Hey guys! Sorry for the short chapter! The next one will be MUCH much longer but I feel like this is all I want Cale to reveal for now so the suspense keeps going, have fun reading!

Song: Duologue - Forests