CAPTURED

EIGHTEEN

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He didn't speak about his past again, like he put it away in a box and had no intentions to open it ever again. But he knew and so did I that we had to talk about it someday. We had to if we want this relationship to work out.

For now I let it rest, it hurts him to talk about it and I'm fine with that. I know it is confronting like sitting with your therapist every week for the next upcoming months.

'Alex' she asked me, 'yes?' I answered.

'I asked you a question'

'Oh I am sorry what were you asking?' I tried to ask as polite as I can ask.

She put her notepad away and looked at me like I needed to tell her what is on my mind.

'Will you tell me why you aren't really in to this session?'

'Not really, can we just get back at the appointment' I asked her.

'We can't as long as you aren't fully into this I can't do much more'

'Well that is bullshit you are the therapist here not me' I snapped. But I felt bad instantly I shouldn't snap at her just because I am a little pissed at Tim.

'I shouldn't have said that I am so sorry' I sighed and rested my face in my hand. Why is this so hard?

She didn't talk, she waited for me to talk. To explain.

'I met a guy his name is Tim' I began. I went to these sessions a few times now but I couldn't get myself to tell her about Tim. He belongs to my new, private life. I didn't want her to know, but he has this effect on me good and bad.

'Ah you met someone, this is good you get yourself back into society, but what is the problem?' she asked.

'He has a past just like me, I told him about mine, and he knew a few things about me by reading files he didn't had permission to do so but I accepted and forgave. But now I know about him having a troubled past it changes things'

'You are scared for his past?'

'Not really, I mean it's bad but not prison bad if you know what I mean. It just hurts that he doesn't want to talk about it and he knows all this stuff about me. I know zero about him'

'Alex, how do you feel around him?' she asked me.

'I feel safe, grounded and special like I've ever felt before. He makes me feel beautiful and loved' I told her when I imagined Tim before me.

'You just answered your own question Alex, the most important this is to feel safe around the ones you love. And you do, so is it that bad you don't know everything about him. If he likes you that much he will tell you in time' she said.

'You are probably right' I said more to myself then to her.

'Can we continue now with you and not your possible boyfriend?'

'Yes of course I am sorry it was on my mind the whole time' I explained to her.

'That is alright, now how was last week going? Any issues?'

'Last week went fine actually, I started at my new job at the office and I love it. It pays well and I really like my co workers. Their so helpful and If I don't understand something I can ask everyone it's such a relieve'

'Why do you feel like it's a relieve?'

'Because I am insecure, and afraid of what people might think'