Start Again

Chapter Nineteen

Audrey

We were walking past endless shops toward one Hye Ri wanted to take me to. Her arm was linked in mine.

"Why are we going shopping again?" I asked her.

"Because we have to pick out a nice dress for your date tonight, when Joon Soo finally confesses."

As small sigh left my lips. "He never actually said it was a date. He just said he had something to tell me and asked if I was free Saturday night."

"But why night? No guy asks a girl out at night to just talk. Trust me. He will take you to a nice restaurant. The two of you will start talking. Then he will look you in the eyes and be all 'Eodaree, johahamnida'. Then you two will kiss, and fireworks will start... What?"

I stared at her with a deadpanned expression on my face. "You watch too many dramas... what if he confesses he likes someone else?"

"You're really over-thinking this, Audrey. He texts you all the time. I've seen how he looks at you. He always asks me how you are when he comes to class. He's invited you out at night time. These aren't the signs of a friend about to break your heart by saying he's in love with someone else. I honestly think Joon Soo is too stupid to have realised you like him in the first place."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

All the signs were telling me Joon Soo liked me. The way he moved in as if to kiss me. The way he brushed hair from my face. The way he looked at me. The constant texts... A normal friend wouldn't do that. A part of me was hoping he passed answering my question because he was shy, because he, as he had told me, had never liked anyone before. That would make this his first confession right?

But then the little voice in my head kicked in this morning and started making me doubt myself. What if the reason he hesitated telling me was because he knew I liked him? I was blatantly freaking out when he asked me who I liked. Surely he could see straight through me. Surely he knew I liked him. And maybe he didn't want to hurt me. Maybe the reason he was telling me tonight was because he wanted to tell me the right way in order to not hurt me. Maybe he didn't want to lose our friendship because of a silly love triangle.

But as Hye Ri said, why invite me out at night? Why not just ask to meet during the day? Why make a big deal out of this?

"You're right," I said after a while. "I have to be hopeful. But..."

"But what?"

"I'm still scared."

Hye Ri pulled me to a stop, placing her hands on my shoulders as she stared me in the eye. "If you're so scared then beat him to it. Don't waste your time hanging out with him if he's only going to hurt you. Say first thing that you like him and if he rejects your feelings come right back to me and we can cry about it together whilst watching dramas. Don't get too hurt about it. Remember you came here to study anyway. If he rejects your feelings, you can just cut him out of your life and finish your studies in peace. At least you two weren't in a relationship."

I looked down, away from her gaze. Memories of Adam and I started flooding through my head. She's right. Memories of a relationship are far worse than something that never blossomed. I still wasn't completely over Adam three months later. Surely I would only mourn over Joon Soo for a week. I'd get over it. It's not like I loved him like I loved Adam. This was only the beginning of feelings. "That's a good idea. I should do that."