Start Again

Chapter Thirty-Six

Joon Soo

When I awoke the next morning, I searched for her body in my bed, but it was empty. My eyes shot open. Had it all been a dream?

I checked the time. It was 7am. Time to get ready for work.

I climbed out of bed, had breakfast, showered, put on my suit, and packed my suitcase, exiting the house. The same bland routine. The same emotionless day. I was stupid to push Audrey away. How would excitement ever return to my life without her?

With a sigh, I closed the door to the empty house behind me and proceeded my daily routine.

I knew Audrey was back now. Classes would start again today. I guess she didn't want me anymore. I wanted so desperately to beg her to stay, but who was I to force her to? If I messed up that badly she cannot forgive me, then I had to understand and let her go.

*

I was proofreading a stack of news articles around midday when my phone started ringing. Instinctively, I picked it up and answered.

"Yeoboseyo?"

"Hi. It's me," her sweet, melodic voice and Australian accent pierced my heart.

I pulled the phone away from my head, checking the caller ID, and I immediately arose from my desk in joy. "Audrey. Hi. Are you back?"

"I got in yesterday."

"That's great. Did you have fun?"

"Not really... It was more meditative than anything. But that's not why I called."

"Why did you call?"

"I know you're busy and all but could you possibly meet me in half an hour for coffee or lunch? I can go to the café across from your office."

"I'm not busy at all," I said, picking up the article I was editing and placing it on top of the large stack I still had to go through. "I'll see you there."

*

To say I was ecstatic to see Audrey again would be an understatement. It was more than that. Despite our instable relationship beforehand, her absence left a bigger hole in me than I could imagine. I became a machine, doing things to pass the day and counting the hours until she would return.

I was scared she was about to tell me that this was the end of our relationship, but, at the same time, telling me like this gave me the chance to say everything I wanted to say, like a final fight.

I arrived fifteen minutes early. Essentially, the moment I got off the phone from her, I informed the team I was going to lunch, and headed out the door. Audrey arrived on time, spotted me, and sat down across from me. She ordered herself a sandwich and a coffee, and I the same.

"Thank you for seeing me," she said.

"No need to thank me. I'll see you any time, Audrey," I said, tenderly.

Her sad gaze met mine and I could see her swallow.

I felt nervous. I felt my eyes starting to sting. This was it.

"Should we eat first?" she asked.

"Are you leaving me?" In my head, these words sounded more strong, more stable, yet when they left my mouth, the despair and dread seeped into every syllable, as my voice wavered throughout.