Pretty When You Cry (An Ethan Dolan fanfiction)

Chapter 31

I wake up from the sound of my alarm. This week has been such a drag and I'm finding it so difficult to stay happy. I know one shouldn't ever depend on another for happiness but Ethan really did make my cloudy days disappear and now I've been having way more of those every since we stopped talking or seeing each other. I hate this so much. My heart physically hurts just thinking about him with somebody else. I would never kill my own happiness over a guy but Ethan is different, I swear, every time he would walk into a room everybody would light up and the way he would make me feel safe and wanted. But I feel like I'm surrounded by complete darkness and he's not there to hold my hand until I am no longer afraid.

I sluggishly get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. I need a warm bath right now and perhaps I might go hiking... That incredible spot Ethan showed me, I need to go there to clear my mind. I've obviously spoken to Hannah about everything that's happened and she thinks I should just approach him and fix it but deep down I'm afraid of the truth. I'm afraid that it'll all be true, the fact that he may still love Amanda. God, just saying her name makes my stomach turn.

I stay in the bath for almost an hour until my fingers look like shrivelled up prunes. I unplug it and let the water disappear and wrap my body around my towel loosely. I wipe the foggy mirror to reveal a sleepless girl with red puffy eyes and furrowed brows. I've never been this sad before, I almost don't recognise myself. This feels like a nightmare and I can't wake up from it.

I walk into my room and sit in front of my mirror. I don't put any makeup on except for mascara and a little blush. My eyes are so red from all the crying that makeup doesn't hide it. To be honest, I just want to stay in bed all day but I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, it's destroying me and soon enough I'll just push people away. I walk to my wardrobe and take out a red dainty dress with a floral design that goes above my knees and has buttons going all the way down and has short sleeves. I wear my worn out doc martens in black with my white socks. I finish the look with my vintage oversized denim jacket. I take my phone and head downstairs. Shit, I don't have a car... How do I drive there? Maybe Hannah can lend me hers? I call Hannah up in hopes that she may let me borrow it just for the day.

"Hello? Hann?"

"Hey girl, how are you feeling...?" She sounds just as sad.

"Like shit actually... I wanted to ask you a big favour." God, I hope she let's me because I really need to get out of here.

"Sure, what's that?"

I pause and a sigh comes out.

"Okay, well I wanna go to that hiking place that Ethan showed me, but I don't have a car... So...-" she cuts me off.

"Of course! But wait... Are you meeting him there?!" Why does she sound so surprised.

"No... I just need some time for myself... Please..." I sound like I'm about to cry. Well shit.

"I'll be here in 10... Do you want me to come with you?" She sounds a little worried.

"Thank you Hann but no, I'll be fine... I promise." The sound of my voice is barely audible.

"Mia... Please don't do anything stupid... I know you would never do that but please... I've been so worried about you because you won't text me or call. I've had Grayson call me a dozen times to ask about you because Ethan isn't doing so great himself."

What? My mind is running with thoughts about how Ethan is feeling.

"Wait... He's been speaking to you? Why didn't be just call me instead?" This is strange.

"Because Mia, you've been MIA for like a week and I guess he's worried for you and Ethan. Please try and talk to him..."

"I don't know... Maybe... I just need space and I think he does too." I lie. I fucking miss him.

We say our goodbyes and I wait in the living room. I lay on the couch staring at the blank tv. My eyes are still red and puffy, they burn and I can hardly keep them open. I haven't had a good nights sleep in days and you can really tell. Almost 20 minutes have passed and I hear a car honk outside. It's Hannah, thank god... I though she'd never turn up.

I get off the couch and hurry towards the door and open it. I shut it behind me and see Hannah leaning against the car bonnet.

"Thank you for this. I promise I'll be back before midnight."

She looks at me with a shocked expression.

"What? No way are you going out there alone until midnight. You must be insane!" Why is she being like this? Why can't she just let me feel what I want to feel.

"Look, just let me do this okay?! I don't need you treating me like a kid who can't feel what she wants. If I'm sad let me be fucking sad! Is that okay with you?!" Why am I taking this out on my best friend, it's not like me at all.

"Jesus Mia, I'm just worried about you..." She stands there with her eyebrows furrowed. Shit, why must I be so harsh. Non of this is her fault.

" I know... I'm sorry. I've just been having the worst week of my life."

She looks at me and examines my face.

"Mia, you need sleep and food. You can't do this to yourself... You and Ethan will find a way to fix this, I promise."

I don't say a word and put my hand out for the keys. She hesitantly hands them to me and I walk towards the door and open it. She holds my arm and looks at me.

"Please don't do anything stupid... Please." She says with the most gentle tone in her voice.

I open the door fully and hop in and shut it behind me. I can't talk to her about Ethan or I'll just become a complete mess. I start the car and look at Hannah. My eyes begin to get teary.

"Goodbye, Hannah."

I look her straight in the face and begin to drive off. I see her in the distance. She looks so small and scared. I know I shouldn't be putting her through this but in all honesty this is the only way I can feel without people telling me otherwise.