Pretty When You Cry (An Ethan Dolan fanfiction)

Chapter 13

Continued...

Ethan and I are sitting in the kitchen eating a snack before we leave.

"I was thinking we could go hiking and then you could come back to mine?" Wait, he wants me to go over to his place, even after we made out and it got super heated. I never thought my first kiss would be that intense. Yes yes, Ethan was my first kiss but he doesn't need to know, god, I hope he doesn't because I really don't want him to look at me differently.

"Yeah sounds awesome! We could play some pool?" Really Mia? Pool? Well I had to say something so we both don't get any other ideas, if you know what I mean.

"Okay, sounds fun." He nods his head and gives me the silliest smile.

We finish up eating and head out. We decide to take Ethan's car as my mom and Steven are away for two weeks. Yes, two weeks of having the entire house to myself. I could probably throw a huge summer party and invite everyone over. Ahh, that doesn't sound half bad actually. 

We're driving on the highway with the windows down and the wind in our hair. Wow, this day feels so relaxing but I still have to figure out how I'll bring up a conversation between us. I'm constantly staring out the window but I feel him stare at me a few times.
The silence is broken when he speaks.

"Why'd you stop..." What? Stop what? I turn to look at him. His eyes are fixated on the road.

"Stop what...?" Is he talking about that night?

"Why'd you stop kissing me?"

Shit. What am I suppose to tell him? Oh you know, you were my first kiss and I'm a total virgin, ha ha. I genuinely wanted to have this conversation when we weren't driving.

"That's a random question." I try to laugh but it comes out awkward and forced. I look out the window and don't give him eye contact. I can't even look him in the eyes right now and say what I need to say.

"Look, let's just not talk about that night..." He looks at me a few times.

"I know how much you liked it... I could feel it."

Oh dear lord, I really wish he could stop talking right now or else I'll jump out of this car. How on earth am I suppose to answer that? I don't want to sound desperate. I mean, it was my first kiss and he's probably had a few kisses in his lifetime to know what to do, but I had no clue.

I stare at him and imagine us making out in the backseat of his car. Before I realise he's looking straight at me.

"Hello?? Earth to Mia...?" I break out of my thoughts and feel my cheeks turn bright red. Great.

"I don't wanna talk about it, Ethan, so just drop it okay?" That came out way harsher than I intended but there is no way he can find out.
We park the car and get out. He puts his arm on my shoulder.

"I want to show you something. A place I come too when things aren't so sunny for me." Okay, he's cute and I can't help but look at him in awe.

"Daaawh, you're cute when you wanna be." He jokingly looks shocked.

"I don't have to be cute, it's in my DNA." We both laugh.

It gets hotter and hotter so Ethan takes off his shirt. Holy fuck, his body is actually glistening in the sunlight. Watching his muscles contract as he tries to climb up hills is making it hard for me to concentrate. There goes my dirty mind... Again. Why am I like this.

We hike a few steep hills and watch the beauty that surrounds us. We finally make it and my eyes are mesmerised by the view. I take my phone to snap a picture but Ethan puts out his hand so I don't fall. He's a gentlemen and any girl would be lucky to have him.
I could hike up here any day of the week and feel my soul cleansing itself. We find a big rock and sit down. Man, my feet already ache and we're both a little sweaty. I want to sit here all day and just stare at the view...and Ethan...?
He turns to look at me but I pretend not to notice.

"Mia... Can I ask one thing?" Uh oh, please not that.

I nod.

"Kiss me."

I look at him.

Did be just tell me to kiss him... What is going on. I thought I told him to drop that subject. Sooner or later the truth will come out and it'll just leave me humiliated.

"What...?" He puts his soft hands on my bare thigh.

"Please...I know you feel it too, Mia... You're just lying to yourself because you're afraid of getting hurt."

Shit.

"Ethan, please don't do this now."

his hand moves further up my thighs making my breathing shallow. He leans in but I move away and get up.

"Ethan, stop. I can't kiss you and I can't be with you. We're friends, and that's the way it should be."

Did those words just come on of my mouth. He looks so hurt by my words. Why am I denying my feelings for him, I like him more than just a friend and he's right, I am afraid of getting hurt but I'm mostly afraid of him finding out that I'm a virgin. If he finds out he'll definitely not want to be with me but with some one who has more experience in that department.

He gets up and walks past me without saying a word.
I close my eyes and bite my lips.

"Shit." I whisper.

I run after him and yell.

"Ethan wait! Please, come on! Ethan!!" He stops in his track and turns around making me bump into him.

"You've said what you needed to say, let's just go now. I'll drop you off home." He turns back and carries on walking. I was suppose to go back to his place but clearly that's not happening.

Fuck, what have I done. I feel a lump in my throat, my eyes begin to get foggy. I ruin the good things in my life.
We drive home in complete silence. He parks his car outside the garage and I step out. I wait for him to say something. He looks so hurt and I caused it. Just when I thought it'd be easy to talk about it, I went and fucked it all up.

Before he goes inside he turns around.

"Goodnight." I feel guilty and I can't bare to look at him. My back is faced towards him. I close my eyes so I don't cry.

"Goodnight." It comes in a squeak but before he can say anything I walk away and run inside. Everything I touch, I destroy. I shut the door in my room and lean against it. I can't hold in my tears and they pour out like a tap. I fall to the ground and close my teary eyes.