Secret Mind ✓

Diary entry 23 - Flatlined.

Her eyes slowly, slowly open. Her eyes are the colour of earth kissed by spring rains, the hue that promises to stir life from dormant seeds, the nascent plants guided upward by the light before blossoming into the vibrant colours of a new season. The eyes that I fell I love with.

I smile at her and restrain myself from wrapping my arms tightly around her and never letting go.

"D-Drake?" She asks. My smile broadens.

"Evangeline." I say her full name. The way I say it is filled with so much love and admiration and I hope that she can see that she means the world...the universe to me.

"I-I heard you," I stutters out.

Not exactly what I was expecting. In movies, people always say 'Where am I?' Or 'What happened?' But this is no movie. This is real life. And my Blossom is alive.

"I heard you and mum and my sisters." She continues. I sit in my seat and wait for her to finish, taking in everything that she says.

How I once had no faith, that I may have never gotten the chance to hear her sweet voice or to see her beautiful captivating eyes.

She begins to sob. I lean in closer to her and all the power that I held on to - to not crush her - I let go of. I wrap my arms around her fragile body and bury my head in the crook of her soft neck. Her body vibrates in my hold. "I-I couldn't t-tell them I was f-f-fine or that I could h-hear them," her wet tears dampen my neck, which is now where she leans her head on. She grips my shirt tightly. "I was s-so scared that I mightn't e-ever get to tell them that I love them,"

"Shhh. It's okay. You're out of the coma. You're okay. I mean it Blossom." I kiss her neck. I hear her breath hitch in her throat and I smile. I pull her at arms length and study her.

"I-I'm sorry." She looks down and begins to play with her fingers, a look of guilt and shame evident on her features.

"Sorry? For what?" I ask, my eyebrows pulling together in confusion.

"F-for being so mean to you." She looks up and locks eyes with mine. I stare at her confused even more. "The other day." She shrugs her shoulder. "I was a fudge-ball." She sighs and her eyes begin to puff up. I'm guessing fudge-ball means something like bitch. I frown and she frowns, the shame and guilt deepening.

I shake my head. "You were not a 'fudge-ball', you were being you, looking deeper then you should have." I pull her into another embrace.

"How long was I out for?" She asks hesitantly, wrapping her arms around my torso.

"Twenty-two days." I say reluctantly.

"That bad, eh?" She laughs but I know that there was no humour in it. It was merely a distraction from what she knows I'm about to ask.

"Blossom? Why did you," I take a deep breath. "Why did you do it?" She knows what I'm trying to ask. No way in hell was I going to say 'why'd you cut?'

She sighs and pulls away, looking deep into my eyes. Her chocolate brown ones hold so much emotion, emotion that she is holding back. I know that she sees - hopefully now, saw - herself as weak. But for her to keep all that emotion, all of her feelings to herself shows me that she is strong. Just the wrong thoughts and ideas have be put in her head by that mother-fucker, Alison.

"I did it because I wanted an escape," she says, void of any emotion that plays in her sweet eyes. "I thought that, I was just taking up space in the world, that nobody cared for me or needed me. And when people complimented me, they were just feeding me lies that I refused to take. I wanted it to stop. The pain. It was unbearable. No one wants to commit suicide because they want to die, they do it to lose all the pain." Her voice grows shaky. I stay still, urging her to continue with my silence. "But," she laughs for a second. "With all the time I had in that coma, I could do some deep thinking. I know that I'm wanted and, yeah, I'm not perfect but, who is? I need to be happy for who I am...as a person, and not let people push me down. I never expected someone to catch me when I fall, fell." She corrects herself. "But, the truth is...I had a lot of people to catch me, I just...I just pushed further down until they couldn't hold me anymore. I was helpless. The only person that could really fix me in the end...was myself." I smile. She finally gets it!

"I'm proud of you Blossom." I place a hand on her shoulder in a playful mock. She shrugs me off.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't flatter yourself. I'm still not in for the whole 'touchy-lovey' thing yet." She smiles and I laugh, my head falling back. "Where are my parents? Where are Brian and Cassy?"

I inhale a huge amount of air, bracing myself for the bad news that is going to pour out of my mouth. "Blossom, you flatlined." I look up and see her staring at me...just staring.

"I know." She shrugs.

My eyes almost fall out of there sockets and my chin hangs so low, it practically grazes the floor. "You-you know?"

She nods. "This may sound weird, and I don't expect you to believe me but...I saw myself, and you, mum, dad, Cassy and Brian. I saw everyone. The doctors surrounded me and they had the defibrillators and they used them...on me." Her eyebrows furrow. "I could fell myself getting pulled back to my body - my spirit - and I tried so hard to not give in. I didn't want to come back. To the bullying. I was scared and I was a coward. I pushed and pushed, I tried so hard against the force that was pulling me back into my body, but it was no use. They still...brought me back. I don't remember what happened after that." She shrugs. "Only waking up with you by my side. Thanks." She smiles and grabs my hand. I give her a lopsided smile and hold her hand tightly in mine. Her hand fits in mine perfectly, like it was made just for me.

"Your parents are talking to the doctors. I'll go get them." I say sadly, letting go of her hand. She nods but I see the remorse in her eyes.

I walk to her parents and tell, "She's awake."