Secret Mind ✓

Diary entry 3 - Losing a loved one.

After what had happened with my ex-friends I had talked to Miss Lyla. My English teacher.

She was the only one I had opened my feelings to. I knew I could trust her. If I told my parents they would over react and take matters into their own hands.

Miss Lyla gave me a choice on weather or not I wanted the girls spoken to. I chose not.

I don't need them spreading evil rumours around about me being a tattle tale and an eves dropper.

She was like my guidance councillor. The only person I could trust with these things.

At lunch and recess I would meet up with her and we would eat together.

We would have genuine conversations and she would let me bring the topic up when I was comfortable.

She was my only friend. Sure she was, like, eighteen years older than me but that doesn't mean I like her any less.

The girls hadn't even asked about me. I thought back to what they had said.

"I was annoying. They wanted me to leave."

Of coarse they wouldn't care. They were trying to get rid of me.

Bree on the other hand is climbing up the social ladder fast and now is already hanging out with Macy, Victoria, Lara and Kaylie.

Doesn't matter. High school will be over in the blink of an eye.

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"Mum! I'm ready for school!" I shout from upstairs as I tie my hair up.

I hadn't even bothered with my hair today. Just put it up in a ponytail. I've been doing it a lot lately.

"What?" Mum shouts back. Not that she didn't hear me but she was confused at my words.

"I'm ready for school? Oh no. Don't tell me it's a Saturday!" I groan and my head falls back in annoyance.

"No honey. Come down. I need to tell you something!" She requests.

I drag my feet down the stairs, my hands swaying behind me. So lady like. Note the sarcasm.

"Honey sit down." Mum gestured to a chair. "Okay. Clearly your not aware of an unfortunate event that has happened." She frowns at the floor.

"Mum. What happened?" Concern hidden in my voice. I am really good at my poker face. I've had to do it for the past five months.

I hid behind a fake smile that everyone seemed to think was real seeing as I was paid no attention to. I liked it that way. Sadly. And no, I still am not cutting. I'd have to be pretty desperate to get to that point. Still eating my feelings away!

"Honey...your school burnt down last night. A group of stupid teenage boys set a bush on fire. You know how it happened before?" I nodded my head in agreement.

Not to long ago, while school was on in the middle of the day a bush was set of fire. It wasn't that big of an issue because the fire was extinguished before the embers spread anywhere.

"Well, this bush was a little bigger and the night wind blew the embers on the school. Not long after, it got set on fire." She frowned again.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "I don't see the problem?" I tilt my head to the side not quite understanding why she is acting like someone died.

"Sweety, Miss. Lyla was in the school that night doing report writing."

Suddenly realisation hit me hard in the face.

Miss Lyla is dead!

"What? No! This can't even-" I began choking on my words.

"Honey, it's okay." My mum begins stroking my back.

My eyes snap up and meet hers. "No! It's not. I've read enough to know that things are never okay. There is always a problem in life and I seem to attract all these problems!" I shout angrily, tears streaming down my face. My anger isn't directed to my mum in particular. It's direction at the world. No way is this karma because I like to do good things only. I am never too quick to judge, well, I don't judge anyone but myself, and I am always helping out other people. Maybe that just isn't enough for the universe. Maybe I have to be more like mother freaking Teresa!

Why must people keep saying everything will be okay if they know it's not true?

"She was my only best friend." I stopped talking when I realised what I said. "I mean, yeah, I had a lot of friends!" Had. Your so stupid. You should just hold your tongue next time. Your such a nimrod Evangeline!

"What do you mean?" My mum asks me worriedly.

"I'm gonna go cry in my bed now..." I tremble up the stairs.

My best friend had died.

My small young brain slowly wrapping itself of the thought of not having Miss Lyla with me anymore.

"Life is so unfair!" I slammed the door shut. Tears covering my face. My vision blurry from all the water in my eyes.

That's it!

I walk to my mum and dads bedroom and pull out one of my dads spare razors.

I'm gonna do it.

I slowly slide the razor on my skin and watch as my red blood flows down my wrist.

I did it. I have officially broken.

I have no one now.

I am lost.