Secret Mind ✓

Diary entry 22 - "Pwince charming..."

Then I'm pulled into a warm embrace. My neck gets wet and I know that whoever is hugging me is crying. I smell the 'pretty' perfume that my mum wears and I know it's her. "Honey," She begins covering my face with kisses. "Please don't die. You're too special to leave the earth." I'm shocked by my mothers words. She...she actually thinks of me like that? "Sweetie, I'm sorry. I know I barely tell you this but I do love you, with all my heart and you don't know how much it pains me to see you so lifeless." I shudder at the word 'lifeless'. "Dad and the girls are coming soon." She laughs. "You better get some rest. I love you." And for the first time, I actually believe what she says.

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"Mummy?" The familiar sound of my baby sisters voice echoes through the room. Lola's voice finishes the word with a high pitched 'ie' and we all know that when her voice does that, she's asking something pretty big.

"Yes sweetie?" My mum asks, sympathy weaving through those two words. I know my mum is bracing herself for the next question that is going to slip out of her mouth.

"Why is she still sleeping? It's been eighteen days." My mind goes on full panic mode. I've been in a...whatever it is I'm in for eighteen days? Ohhhhh shitaki-mushrooms.

"Baby," my mum takes a sharp breath. "This is a little complicated but she is in a coma. A coma is when someone is unconscious and will not respond to voices, other sounds, or any sort of activity going on nearby. The person is still alive, but the brain is functioning at its lowest stage of alertness. You can't shake and wake up someone who is in a coma like you can someone who has just fallen asleep." My mum puts in every little detail. So I'm in a goddamn coma!

"So she is like sweeping booty? She needs her pwince Charming to wake her up?" I find it a little weird how ironic this is. Not too long ago, Drakes brother had asked the same thing. Only sleeping beauty had it easy. In the real world, no prince can save me. It's only a matter of time before I flatline and I need to brace myself for that time.

"In a way. Only there is no Prince in her story." My mum responds, her voice going all high pitched and cracky.

"So how will she wake up?" My sister pushes.

"She won't wake up okay?! She gonna flatline and die!" Emmie's voice rings through the room. Is sounds shaky and aware. She is a smart girl and she knows it, at times she would brag about it. The sound of a door shutting pulls me out of my 'think train'.

"Emmie! Emmie come back!" My mum calls after her. "Stay here Lola. Look after Evangeline." My mum orders. The door shuts again and then I feel warm small hands wrap around my torso.

"I know mummy thinks you're not sweeping booty but I thinks that the tall good looking guy from the other day is your pwince." She comments. I mentally smile. "Anyway, you are pwittier then her." I feel her little finger trace my features. From my eyebrows to around my eyes then down my nose and she stops at my lips. "One day pwince charming is going to kiss you right here and wake you up from the spell." She taps and my lips then kisses my cheek. "I love you Angie." She holds my neck and squishes her cheek to mine then pulls away. "Pwincys here. Bye-bye." Then the dip that was in my bed from where my sister was sitting disappears. "And please don't die." She concludes. The sound of the door slamming, once again, echoes through the hospital room.

I hear footsteps approaching the bed that I lie in.

"Hey Blossom." Drake greets. I'd give anything to see his face. Then, I remember Emmie's words: She won't wake up okay?! She gonna flatline and die! How could I have been so selfish and unaware. Why would I hurt myself? I could've told someone about the bullying.

Then you'd prove to Alison that you're weak.

I could ignore her hurtful words.

Can you ignore the physical pain?

I could've listened to everything that my friends and family told me, what Drake told me.

...

That's what I thought. How could I be so blind? People that surrounded me did, and do care about me and I hurt them more then myself. I guess it's too late to do anything now.

"How you holding up?" His voice rings in my ears. He scoffs. "I don't expect an answer from you." He gasps and I hear something getting hit with a strong punch. "God! How could I have been so oblivious? You always wore long sleeves, even when you go to the beach." I imagine him running his fingers through his shaggy hair before letting them fall to brush his hips. It's the best I can do, due to the fact that I can't open my eyes. "I'm so stupid." His voice is muffled by something.

He blames himself for this. He thinks that the reason I'm in hospital is because he was so naïve. But the thing is, he wasn't the only one fooled by my mask. The one that hid my emotions and feelings and my story. What goes on in the back of my mind. Eyes are the window to the soul. But you can't see through a hazy window. Not clearly at least. His view of my mind must have been unclear; the same way it is for everyone else. He can't blame himself for my state.

I wish I could comfort him and tell him that, it truly isn't his fault. That it is all mine. I should've kept my emotions in check. I should have drowned out all of Alison's words, because giving in is a true sign of weakness, not ignoring. When you ignore you don't need to think about something. If I had ignored her comments, her insults, I mightn't even be here. But you can't change the past, only learn from it. And I know that now, and even though I might not live to tell people that, it's good to know that I've learned my lesson in life.