CHOOSE (5sos)

Chapter 26: Shut Up Pukas

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(Listen to the song above when it says to later in the chapter)

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I was embraced by three sweaty boys. After a few moments they pulled back, and searched my eyes.

"Lexi? We heard some of that... are you okay?" Michael asked.

"If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay." Luke added. Calum nodded along side him.

I wiped my eyes. "Grace was lying, I didn't rape anyone, I was the one raped! It was the worst moment of my life, and now I'm pregnant with that asshole's child?! You guys can't possibly understand what I'm going through..."

Luke placed a hand on my shoulder. "Hey," He said, "we're here for you." Michael and Calum nodded in agreement. "Right now we're on your side, not Ashton's.... he'll come around, but right now he feels hurt."

I nodded. "I'm sorry for making you guys pick sides."

"Your worth it." Luke grinned, showing his adorable dimples.

"We're with you to the end, girl!" Michael chimed in.

I let out a relieved laugh, "Wow, I really don't deserve you guys..." I trailed off. "Um, so what now?"

Calum looked up from his phone, "I actually have a date, kind of, with this girl." He flushed bright red. We all oohed and asked to see a picture of her.

"Guys I'm not creepy!" Calum laughed. "It's not really a date though, more of a get-together thing. Her older sister just came home from college."

We all nodded and said we'd come.

Luke pinched Calum's cheeks adorably. "C-Bone's got a girl!"

Calum blushed even deeper. He looked like a tomato. "Shut up Pukus," He muttered.

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I ended up cancelling  on the boys, pretending that I was sick. I felt awful inside, like my insides were slowly being cut up in a paper shredder. I didn't have the energy to pretend that I was okay and fake smile the entire evening. I didn't quite trust myself to be alone with all of my depressing thoughts, so I wrote "strong" on my wrist just in case. I always wrote it their when I was going through hard times, it kept me rational and reminded me that I deserved to live. I could tough it out, because the hard time would be over. 

Soon I'll  be over Ashton.

Soon I won't have to hide how sick I feel all the time, because the baby will be born. 

Soon the media will forget about me and I'll have a normal life, so Grace isn't jealous. 

Soon I'll be okay... I hope. 

After throwing my hair in a messy bun and changing into comfy sweats and a cami, I curled up in my bed with a sketchbook, drawing shattered glass hearts and lyrics in bubble letters. At one point, I used the pencil so roughly that it went through the paper, leaving a large hole and my hands covered in pencil lead. 

After taking some pills to help my pregnancy, I hopped in the shower, humming a rhythm to myself. After a few minutes, a line came into my head, and soon I was standing in the middle of the shower, water cascading down my back, and tears down my front, as I was singing the chorus to a song I had just created. 

(Play and listen to the song at the top of the chapter now. The following lyrics are not mine, but in the story Lexi wrote them.)

"I can be tough