"Baliw! Here I am so concern of you and there you are asking me a petty question Prim. What a friend!" I laughed too. I heard her laughing her ass as well. Bet she's rolling her eyes on me.
"I'm good Maya. Don't worry about me. "
"You sure?"
"Yes." She answered. I'm satisfied. Natutuwa ako dahil unti-unti natatanggap na ni Prim na wala na ang kapatid niya and that it wasn't her fault.
Our class has dismissed early dahil may urgent meeting ang mga professors. I tried studying for half an hour but I guess my mind is too tired. Lessons won't sink in.
Naisip kong pumunta sa isa sa mga lugar na madalas ko ng puntahan since that painful rainy breakup happened. To the cemetery. I bought flowers and put it on the top of the grave of Carina Dejesus-Alcantara.
Naupo ako sa harap nito at nag-usal ng maikling dasal. Ilang beses na rin akong dumadalaw dito. I felt so responsible. I apologize many times infront of her. For hurting her son. For being so weak and giving up. This is where I can reminisce a lot of good memories and cry over it after. But right now, I don't feel like doing it.
"I see you are having a good time with my mom." I was frozen for a moment. Napatayo ako at nagpagpag ng palda before looking straight to the owner of the familiar voice.
"Thaddeus.." I greeted him err- no, I mentioned his name, in recognition of his sudden appearance. That's it.
He stood next to me. Ibinaba nito ang hawak na bulaklak katabi ng dinala kong bulaklak. He inserted his hands to his pocket. Hindi ko mapigilang tignan ang kabuuan nito. He's wearing a black suit without the tie. His three buttons are open. He has messy hair, pointed nose, and his eyes, I can't look straight to his eyes. They're brothers. What do I expect?
"So this isn't the first time you visited mom?" He started talking. I swallowed. Nakatingin lang ito sa puntod ng ina.
"Yes. I usually come here more often."
"I see. That explains the flowers. Thank you Maya." Bigla akong kinabahan nang lumingon ito sa akin. I saw his eyes. Damn!
"Welcome." I answered shortly.
"My mom is..very special. We love her so much. I was 4 then when she died. Radicus was just 1 year old. She had a heart complication when she gave birth of me Radicus." He started.
Hindi ko alam kung ano pang ginagawa ko dito. I heard this already. But still a part of me wants to know something more.
"For years we've been keeping to Radicus why mom died. It will be devastated in his part to know the truth that it was all because mom sacrificed for him. Dad too was still devastated. I was the one who stood strong for the two guys. Not until he turned 10, nalaman niya sa isang kasambahay namin ang totoo. Of course, he blamed himself. Minsan naiinggit siya sa akin because I had the chance to remember mom, what she looks like, her touch, what it feels to listen to her giggles, to her baby talks, the feeling of her love. "
"Little does he know that deep inside me, all those memories were torture. I miss mom so much. I miss everything that I remember about her. It was painful. It was probably my very first heartache." He chuckled.
"That's the reason why I love holidays or breaktime or vacation.. It's the only way to push these men to be with me with beers or wines. Para naman nakakamusta ko sila. I want to know if dad is okay, if he's still missing mom, I want to know how's Radicus coping. I told you I was the one who stood strong for them. It has never been easy you know..but atleast I was able to give our family a shot kahit wala ang pinakamahalagang babae sa buhay namin."
