Please... (Mavi/PTX)

23

A/N: Mitch's POV again

Time stood still. What he had told me, what I saw at that very moment, my heart couldn't take it. Flashbacks. I had them often and they hurt more than what happened in real life a while ago. They pierced through your soul, your being, quenched every single drop of your sanity out of your body, leaving you...lifeless and scared. Like never ending nightmares, waiting in the back of your head until you find yourself in a certain position, a certain situation. Then they attack. One by one. Was it better if you were alone? Or when someone was near you? That depends. People could worsen everything, they could scar you more than the memories of former torturing moments. He only had himself. I couldn't approach him, the risk to make it worse was too high. Loosing him again was unthinkable.

Why was it so hard for me to imagine life without him? There was nothing called "our history together". Nothing that screamed "he's your friend, it's your duty to help him". There was nothing going on between us. Why? Because it takes two to form a bonding. It takes two to compromise and become one. If you fell for someone who never showed any affection, anything that could even drop a hint showing that they even like you the littlest bit, you're trapped and can't escape. They haunt your mind, your ever waking moment. Right now I felt helpless and emotionless. I loved him, I truly did but he clearly didn't feel the same way and while he was crying his heart out I sat on the floor thinking about stupid stuff like love. I was selfish, so freaking selfish in a moment when he needed help. Any help, not necessarily mine. Don't ask me why my thoughts run from one topic to another, I'm just not making any sense right now.

His shoulders were shaking as he rocked back and forth, hair trapped in his fists, his whimpers and cries filling the bathroom. At some point Scott had left the bathroom and it was only me and him. The room around me became darker with ever sob which escaped from his lips, the only light: Him. Normally you wouldn't call anyone, who's life is shattered in pieces to the point where you can barely glue it together, the light of a situation. A ball of sadness, that's what he would be called but I didn't see him like that. He was the light because.. there was something within him that radiated from his broken form and made him appear like.. an angel. One day he would use his wings again, one day he would fly up high and take his place in heaven. One day, but when would that be?

I sighed and looked around me. The bathroom was cold, colder than before. Neither too big nor too tiny. Blades, pills, a hairdryer and some water. The cabinet had everything you needed to... Nevermind. Not now, not with Avi here with me.

Not knowing where those thoughts even came from I scooted towards the shower, eyes now locked on his trembling body. Time was passing and his flashback seemed to last forever. Mine have never been longer than five minutes but his took half of his lifetime. Was I exaggerating? Probably. Scott always spoke to me when they happened and he always managed to bring me back to earth. Would it help him? You're not allowed to touch a person who's having a flashback. It was equal to those who sleepwalked. But talking whasn't touching. You were touching their soul but not their body. Would it work? His nails digged into the skin of his scalp and I decided that I could only try and pray for it to work.

"You're safe. I'm Mitch, your...your friend. I won't hurt you okay?"

I remembered what he had told me in his letters and I avoided anything that would trigger him in any way. Shocked about the content of his life I wondered what was even left which wouldn't trigger him.

"We're in Scott's home. He's a very friendly person."

His grip around his hair started to loosen a little, showing me that I was doing at least something right.

"Everything is alright. Everything is fine. Breathe."

His hands wandered down and covered his face. The movement of his upper body had stopped and his sobbings started to vanish. I could still see tears falling and heard his breath hitching. A bit more Mitch. Just a bit more.

"You can do this. You're a strong person. Hold on tight."

Peaking through his fingers I knew that I had brought him back. I didn't expect any graditude or any sign that he was happy to see me. When I came back from flashbacks I always needed someone to hold me, but Avi was not used to something like that. Touch scared him and he couldn't talk to me... Steps coming from the hallway indicated my friends walking towards the bathroom. Kirstie's cracked voice calling my name made me turn away from him and towards her.

"We need to talk to you."

It was Kevin who made that decision and when I saw Kirstie's puffy eyes, Scott's shocked expression and the letter in Kevin's hand I felt ill.

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#Yanie