Welcome to the Wild$ide [A$AP Rocky Story]

o19.

     I sat in the church quiet as a mouse and still as water. Pain filled the back of my eyes while tears continuously danced their way down my cheeks. I hadn't eaten or slept in three days. I know this was bad for the baby, but my heart was hurting so bad. Today was the day the world said its final goodbyes to Clayton O'Neil Jacobs. Rakim and Andrea accompanied me to the funeral, but Camille insisted that I sit on the front row with the family since I am currently carrying his child. The front of the church was filled with pictures of Clay and beautiful white roses. Clay was beaten, burned, and tortured so badly that he had to have a closed casket.

     The preacher's words about Clay's character and how good of a person he was tugged harshly at my heart as I continued to cry. I felt selfish for hating Clay after he disappeared. Maybe if I wasn't so wrapped up in my own feelings, I could've contacted his mom much sooner, and maybe then they could've found Clay before someone killed him. Clay was such a wonderful person. I can't imagine anyone disliking him, let alone wanting to kill him. All I know is whoever did it better get ready, because Clay's death will be avenged.

"...Clayton leaves behind his mother and father-Camille Destiny and Marcel Raymond Jacobs Sr., two sisters—Marcella Rayshawn and Claire Shanice Jacobs, one brother—Marcel Raymond Jacobs Jr., one nephew—Carter Anthony Davidson and a host of cousins, friends, and relatives who also loved him dearly. Clayton also leaves behind a precious soon-to-be life in the hands of his female friend, Harlem Santino. Harlem, why don't you come up and share a few words about Clayton?" Reverend Oliver spoke in the microphone.

     Hesitantly, I walked up to the podium. I was already previously informed that Camille and Marcel wanted me to speak at the funeral. It didn't stop the nervousness from filling my body, though.

"H-hello everyone," my voice cracked. I was greeted back and continued. "I've known Clay since preschool. We've always bonded and been the best of friends. Today I prepared a poem about Clay and our friendship called When You Bid Me Goodbye. It reads: 

"I lie awake still thinking what could have been if you were still here with me tonight. I know it could have been better seeing you right in front of me. Knowing you're still alive would have made everything feel right. 

But this is life, no one stays forever. May it be fate or just a change of heart? We as humans may not understand it, but it's usually for the better. 

I didn't want to let go and in your heart you felt it. You are in a better place now. I will never stop believing that the care we shared was unselfish. 

You're the type of friend who keeps promises in his heart. In heaven, I trust, you're still the friend I know. I know you remember my name when I call out on yours. I know you still smile and laugh when I crack lame jokes as you did from our start.  

Someday, when it's my time, it will be just like before. That's the time when we no longer have to face goodbyes anymore. Friends in the distance, and through time, we'll still be. I miss you Clayton. I smile too when I think of your name each and every day. Hear the words I wasn't granted enough time to say."

When I finished my poem there wasn't a dry eye in the whole church. Applause began at the back of the church and spread like a wildfire.

     After the funeral and burial, we all went back to the Jacobs' home for a family eating. I really wasn't in the mood, but Camille insisted. I played with baby Carter, Claire's son, as I sat on the couch in the Jacobs' family room. Rakim sat beside me and Andrea was talking to one of Clay's relatives that she knew from school.

"Harlem how you holding up? How's my grandbaby?" Camille asked as she sat to the left of me and rubbed my stomach.

"We're good," I replied a little too quickly. She shot me an unconvinced look, but I couldn't blame her—hell I wouldn't have believed me either.