Welcome to the Wild$ide [A$AP Rocky Story]

o32.

"I'm sorry baby," Rakim cried as he held my hand. "I wish I was able to protect you. I made a promise to you and myself that I would never let anything happen to you, but I failed." He moved some hair out my face and kissed my lips. "I love you so much Harlem."

     Rakim's head was laying in my chest and he was crying his beautiful brown eyes out to me. For me. I ran my fingers through his French braids and whispered,

"None of this is your fault baby. I love you, too."

     Rakim fixed his lips to speak, but the opening of the door cut him off. In walked a teary eyed Y'hana, Hayleigh, and Sj. Sj silently walked close to me while Y'hana and Hayleigh stood in the background. His eyes were swollen and red. It looked as if he had been crying and hadn't had sleep in days. When he reached the bed a couple more tears dripped as he gently placed his hand into mine.

"I'm glad you okay," he whispered trying to choke back tears. "I don't know if I would've been able to live without you and daddy."

     His words caused my heart rate to increase as they continuously sounded in my head. Sevyn Joseth Santino, gone. My strength. My left hand. My sanity. My provider. My first love. My everything. Gone. Memories of all the times we shared played through my head rapidly like a movie. My father was strict, overprotective, and a little overbearing, but he was mine. Since before I could remember he'd dedicated himself to me and focused solely on making sure I was well taken care of and raised properly. It was too hard to stomach that the unimaginable had happened; I had lost the person that had been there for me all my life. The person who knows me best. The person who I shared my deepest connection with. All the life I had in me was abruptly drained out. Sevyn Joseth Santino, gone.

"GOD WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE ME WITH HIM!" I yelled after a long period of silence, causing Rakim and the others to jump. "He was all I had," I said softly as my tears began to dispense faster.

Sj held me firmly as my father would have and stroked the back of my hair. "Don't say that," he cried, "you have me, mama, Haleigh, and even Rakim. We are your family sis. We are here for you."

They all crowded around me and joined Sj for a group hug. My body was sore and them holding me so tight definitely didn't make it feel any better, but I needed them. Sj was right; they are my family. "I love all of you. Thanks for being here for me."

"We love you too, Harlem." Rakim stated after he kissed my lips. "Don't forget the most important thing that you have." He rubbed my belly and smiled.

     My baby. Even after everything that happened, my baby was fine. I was placed under bedrest and around the clock monitoring because of the improper exposure to the Cytotec Paris drugged me with. She didn't administer the right amount, so the baby hasn't come yet. Because of the amount she did give me though, the doctors are certain that he will come early, but it's difficult to tell when. All in all he's a fighter, much like myself and his grandfather.

"Harlem," Y'hana spoke causing me to deter my attention to her, "I know we have had our problems in the past, but we are already past all of that. I want to be here for you and help you as much as I can with the baby. It won't be easy, but like Sj said; you have all of us. We're all we need." Tears trickled from her eyes as her lips formed a smile.

"Thank you, Y'hana," I smiled back. "I would love for you to be in baby Jumpy's life. I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Speaking of baby Jumpy. Have you been thinking of any real baby names?" Hayleigh asked with her hands on her hips.

"No," I answered honestly. My baby was pretty much due any day now and I still have no clue what I want to name him. "Have you?" I grinned. I was positive she had and definitely interested in what she had to say.

"Well, at first I was thinking Drake, but then I was like 'nah' and changed Drake to Damien. I wanted to write it down for you, but I didn't know how to spell it in a Damien way." Hayleigh shrugged and handed me a piece of paper from a purse with many words scribbled on and crossed out.

     Everyone in the room laughed at Hayleigh's bluntness and honesty. It was just like her to make everyone laugh during a difficult situation. She was truly a Hayleigh and a half. My baby sister.

     Periodically throughout the remainder of the day I had different visitors, mostly acquaintances of my father, come by to bring me flowers, bears, and balloons as well as offer their condolences. The church my father and I attended came by asking if I was ready to make the funeral arrangements, but it was too much and much too soon for me to be thinking about at that moment.

     Y'hana and the kids stuck around until visiting hours were over. I tried to keep myself together for the sake of everyone else, but as soon as the last person walked out of the room the tears that I had been holding in all afternoon roamed uncontrollably down my cheeks.

"Why me?" I uttered to no one in particular. "Why did everyone I cared for and trusted leave or ultimately turn against me?" I spoke again through my tears.

"God only gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers," a voice replied back to me.

Confused and slightly frightened, I stared at the shadowed figure off in the distance. "G-God, is that you?" I asked dumbfoundedly.

"No Harlem," he chuckled. "What kind of medicine they got you on in hea?"

I knew that voice from anywhere. "Well you so black I couldn't see you in here with the lights out," I giggled as my tears continued to flow. "And why you standing over there on some creep shit anyways?"

     Rakim appeared in the light and walked closer to the bed I was laying in. He gently rubbed his thumb across the gash on my face that had to be stitched closed, then kissed my lips. To my surprise, he climbed into the hospital bed with me and pulled me into his arms.

"You can fool everyone, but me with that tough act you put on, Harlem. After all you've been through I know you wasn't just okay, so I stuck around to check on you. Anyways after everything that happened I don't want you out of my sight."

Rakim rubbed his hand across my protruding belly as I stared at nothing in particular. "I just want to wake up and realize that this was all a dream. I wasn't shot. You weren't shot. My father isn't dead. Clay isn't dead. Paris and I are still best friends," I sighed as I rubbed the fresh tears that formed in my eyes away. "I feel like this is all my fault."

     The tears that I had hidden behind my smile poured from my eyes as my heart being to weigh too much for my chest to carry. I couldn't believe how out of spiral my life had spun in only under a year. I had lost my dad, my best friend, and my son's father. Dudes who I grew up with–shit practically helped raised me–and I considered family turned out to be snakes. I was raised in the church and taught not to question God, but I can't help but wonder why me. How did things get so bad so fast?

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