EGL // lashton

fifty

made a new cover from scratch and i hate that i let this story take up so much of my time
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There's not enough words in the English vocabulary to express the way Ashton is able to feel at different times. There's not enough phrases, sentences, synonyms or antonyms to describe how fucking powerful Ashton's feelings are.

Even now, when he's mute and ripped to pieces, caged in by concrete walls and barbed wires, looking fucking insane to the point where he is treated like a psychopathic pit bull ready to kill everyone coming close to him; Ashton feels everything.

Ashton had always believed that he was completely emotionless, because after killing numerous of people like it was just a normal thing, every pull of the trigger made Ashton feel less. Each time he killed someone, his remorse got lost, piece by piece.

Without remorse, there's no sadness. Without sadness, there's no happiness. Without happiness, there's no love.

But then Ashton loved, and as soon as that one spark was enlightened in his body, a storm was started and Ashton couldn't fucking stop it even if he tried.

Because Ashton is dangerous. He must be since he is being treated like he were to be the deadliest animal in the whole wide world. But never in a million years would he have believed that love would be more dangerous than him.

Love has killed his family, his friends, his soulmate. Love has caused him pain, marks and bruises, tears and screams. Love has put him behind bars, unable to get close to the ones he truly needs. Love has made him insane, crazy, nefarious.

Love has him wrapped in nails and knives, and it's slowly cutting him up to the point where Ashton is no longer whole. He's not recognizable as a human being anymore.

And Ashton believes that that's all he wants to become; nothing.

The thing is, he can become nothing without having to put in any effort at all. The pill still circling around his fingers could make him disappear easier than a bullet could, yet he has not used it. And now, as he was seated in a small supervised room, the handcuffs around his wrist cold against his skin as he blankly stared into a pair of similar eyes to his very own best friend, he wasn't sure if he wanted to become nothing just yet.

"I'm pretty sure I'm obligated to kill you" Ashton spoke up. His voice raspy and tired after not having spoken since yesterday when Michael had went to see him.

"I think I understand where you are coming from" the woman spoke, her voice confident enough for Ashton to know that she was scared, but had done this too many times to be able to not show it.

"I'm not a fan of second chances, mam. I'm not a fan of second people either. I already have one Clifford in my life, and that suits me perfectly fine"

She didn't answer to that, and Ashton could see a slight glimpse of hurt in her eye, and he enjoyed it beyond beliefs. He strived to hurt the woman who could have been the reason for his best friend's death. As soon as he had looked into her eyes and heard her pronounce that familiar surname, Ashton had felt the want of an revenge building up.

"I know who you are, Ashton. I'm fully aware of what you can do, even now when you're cuffed and held behind bars for most of the time. I know just being with you puts me in great danger, but I am trying to make things up for my son" she said, her eyes never leaving Ashton's. Professionalism was dripping from every word she spoke.

"I'm not sure he'd appreciate that" Ashton answered, and Karen smiled small.

"Me neither, Ashton, but seems to me that my son cares more about you than himself and his own beliefs and standards" she said, her fingers intertwining with her own as he placed her hands on the table. "I never blame Michael for choosing the path he did in his life, since it was me who put him there in the first place. I don't blame him for passionately trying to hold on to his best friend, but both you and I know it's extremely stupid"